Saturday, January 23, 2010

What I think about: Edward Who?

I’ve already made it known that I liked the Twilight series.  They are fairly well written love stories coming out of the “sex is power” wakes of Sex in the City and Friends.  As a former middle school teacher I must admit I was grateful there was finally a pro-abstinence, pro-self-control, anti-clique and mean girl option for young ladies.   However, I am not blind to the negative aspects of the book.  The story isn’t pro-abstinence on moral grounds but rather because Edward doesn’t want to kill Bella.  And one must question Bella’s motives that she’d die for her parents but won’t tell them the truth.  In the end, though, I feel like if this book series is tempered with discussion and logic, it is safe enough to read.

Where I get really nervous about the Twilight series is the female reaction to Edward and Jacob.  There has been mass hysteria surrounding the characters and I’m not talking about tweens swooning over shirtless Jacob (though that does bother me). 

What really bothers me are TwiMoms who lament that their relationships with their husbands are not equal to (depending on your team) Bella/Edward or Bella/Jacob.  The danger with love stories for women is that they have the capability to enhance our expectations in a negative way. 

Please know that we should expect great treatment from our husbands; our husbands are to love us with the same sacrificial love Christ demonstrated to the Church—no easy task!   While we must have high standards from our husbands, we should not expect them to be perfect, to be our “all in all” or equal to fictional characters. 

My assertion: If you don’t want your husband to impose stripper-pole, porn-star expectations on you, please don’t force your Edward/Jacob expectations on him.

When I finished the series, I was so grateful for my husband and our intimate relationship.  I even made him a shirt that says, “EDWARD WHO?” to remind him that he, not a fictional character, is worthy of my love and affection.  Here are some reasons my relationship with Matt is better than Bella’s relationships with Edward/Jacob.

  • ·      Matt is my best friend AND lover.  I’m not torn.  He wins.  Period.
  • ·      Unlike Edward, Matt listens to me when I backseat drive.  He wears his seatbelt and does roughly four miles over the speed limit.
  • ·      When Matt and I have differences, we talk them over.  No one leaves (like Edward) or ignores the other (like Jacob). 
  • ·      As adults we’ve discussed what would happen in the event of sickness and death. Neither of us feels like we’d commit suicide if the other died (no running to the Volturi for us!).  Though devastated, we’d rely on God to sustain us.
  • ·      I speak the truth in love and so does he.  We do not need to be professional liars (Edward) or tricksters (Jacob).  As Matt said in our wedding vows, “I will be worthy of your trust by being trustworthy.” 
  • ·      Matt encourages me to hang out with other people, to make new friends, and to have hobbies and interests outside of our marriage and family.  I never have to feel guilty for visiting with friends.  Matt is not controlling (Edward).
  • ·      As married adults we can snuggle in bed and engage in sexual activity without sneaking behind our parent’s backs (unlike Bella and Edward). 
  • ·      Because we are adults, Matt and I can enjoy thrill seeking without our parents’ permission (unlike Bella and Jacob). 
  • ·      We are first and foremost committed to our Christ.  We recognize that though we are God’s perfect provision for each other, only HE can fully satisfy. 

 So ladies, if you want a quick and easy read, I’m not opposed to recommending the Twilight Series (though I’d really recommend Redeeming Love, Pride and Prejudice or Peace Like a River more).  When you finish the series, remember that it is fiction and that your husband does not and should not live up to standards set by fictional characters.

Praise your husband for the good he brings out in you and if you want more romance in your marriage, show him how it’s done!


  1. GREAT post. You are exactly right!

    I am in the vast minority I suppose but I do not see Twilight as appropriate for many kids. My daughter is only 8 YEARS OLD and most of her friends have watched this since the series first came out. (when they were 6 and 7)

    I love your comments about your relationship with your husband, AMEN SISTAH! I am so on the same page with you.

  2. Mandy--Can't believe parents would let girls that young watch/read those books. YOUNG ADULT literature is for young adults! Come on people--responsible parenting!

  3. The reason I first read the Twilight series was because girls in my sixth grade class were addicted to them. I wanted to be able to connect with them and see what the fuss was about.

    No way do I think those are appropriate for that young age. High school, okay, with parental talks and guidance. But no way on the elementary and middle schoolers. Half of them were just reading because their friends were. They had no idea what was going on.

    Anyway, the whole reason I'm commenting (I got sidetracked, sorry!) was because a group of ladies from my church got together to watch the premier of one of the movies and each lady wore a shirt that said Team _______________ (insert name of the respective husband here). How cool is that?

  4. I personally don't believe them to be very well written, they're not the worst thing in the world but compared to a lot of well written young adult novels out there the books lack characterization and plot.
    I agree with everything you've said about the characters, I find the relationship between Bella "I don't have a thought of my own" Swan and Edward and Jacob. I read the first three books out of curiosity and disliked them and the fourth book made me sick so I couldn't finish it. I don't think they portray healthy relationships and it scares me that many young women (and older women) seem to want this kind of abusive relationship.


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