What I Think About--Dangerous Dreaming

Abby Sunderland's dream was to circumnavigate the globe on a forty-foot racing yacht.  The video below shows Abby's father praying for her before she started her solo-mission.



Last week Abby was feared lost at sea (if you've been under a rock breathe easy--they found her).

I admit my first reaction to this story was something along the lines of "What the heck are they thinking?!?!"  She's too young.  It's too dangerous.  What poor examples of parents!

Indeed most critics have my same reaction.  Now Abby's mom and dad must stand up to the very critical eye of a public who would blame them, who would flat out call them stupid and neglectful, for letting their daughter dare to reach her dreams.

As I researched this story I reflected on my dreams for my children.  Madisen is very persistent--a negotiator with unparalleled skills.  I'd love her to be an attorney.  And Pax is so adventurous and loving.  He'd make a great teacher.  And my kids are so cute they could easily find spouses and settle down near us and raise sweet little families.  This dream sounds so familiar.  Wait!  It's my life.  An attorney, a teacher, and a couple of kids.  I love my life.  It's just want I want.  But what if my kids want more?  Will I encourage them or hold them back?

I'll admit that as a mom, I have a hard time thinking my kids might have dangerous dreams. Perhaps my biggest fear is that my kids' dreams will take them far away and have them living in dangerous places in dangerous times with dangerous people.  But what if it is their God-given purpose that leads them?  Should I hold them back for my sake?  For safety's sake?

All this thinking has me wondering about when people are the "right" age to reach for their dreams. I mean, we tell our kids they can do and be anything.  But at what age are we, as parents, supposed to start letting go and believing and trusting that they really CAN do and be anything? Is 18 okay but not 16?

For some reason an old Van Gogh quote keeps running through my mind: "The Fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm is terrible but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore."  Perhaps not taking the risk is more dangerous than attempting to make a dream a reality.

What I think is I want my children to pursue their dangerous dreams.  I want to hold them firmly with my hands wide open--protecting where and when I can but letting go (and letting God) when and where I can.

Borrowing from Oswald J. Smith, "I want your plan for my children's lives, God.  May they be happy and contented in homeland or on foreign soil; whether married or alone; in happiness and sorrow; health or sickness; prosperity or adversity; safety or danger.  I want your plan for my children.  I want it.  Oh, I want it!"

Was letting Abby pursue of her dream inspiring or foolish?

If you are stopping by from this week's IT list--thank you!

My friend Sarah said I remind her of a quotation from "Julie and Julia"--"I have thoughts; I can blog." Every Wednesday I blog my thoughts.  Sometimes I get jeers; sometimes I get cheers. 

Check out some of my most popular "What I think about ..."

Sex, Lies, and Mom Blog Bullies

Letting Go

What I Wish I Knew When I was 12

Date Your Husband (the first comment is from a man--not mine--and is hysterical!)

Mom Laws

Have you ever heard the old adage "Murphy's Law"?

From where I stand, Murphy's Law ain't got nothin' on Mom Laws.

Since I became a mom so many events have become truisms that I take for granted.

Here are examples of Mom Laws around my house.

• Children must vomit, wet the bed, of have a bloody nose within twelve hours of having their bed sheets laundered. 
• Only freshly mopped kitchen floors will be spilled on.
• The one day my children sleep until 8, I will be up by 5:45.
• Nothing mechanical ever works when it is needed.
• A car's leather interior is a magnet for muddy feet.
• Children never say a "bad" word unless a grandparent or judgmental adult is present.
• Children never throw tantrums until their mom receives the compliment of having well-behaved children.
• As soon as we get home from the store, I remember that my children don't actually want the toy they've been begging for.
• Children never have runny noses unless A) you are wearing a clean shirt for them to wipe their noses on or B) you are completely out of kleenx and thus have to do a "mom wipe."  You know what I'm talking about. 
• Children only get sick when there is an event or outing you can't possibly miss.
• Children are never to full to finish their dessert.
• Moms never pee alone.
• Moms are not allowed to enjoy dessert, snacks, or special drinks without feeling guilty for not sharing with their children (and you know what, sometimes I don't want to share my cookie!).
• You'll never find a pacifier when you need it.
• There are not enough batteries in the house.  Ever.  This goes double for bananas.
• Children think its a thrill to pee in the dark during the daytime but are terrified of going into the night-light lit bathroom at night.
• One tiny little four year old will take up a whole king sized bed if given the chance.
• It is impossible to keep a sliding glass door kid-print free.

Though I sometimes get bogged down by these Mom Law truisms I try to remember the Mom Law that matters most to me:

There is no laundry pile deep enough, no mess big enough, no bodily fluid gross enough to take away the joy of being a mom.

My niece Ella doesn't mind testing Mom Law limits!

What Mom Laws guide your momiverse?

Your Words

My favorite part of Real Simple is the "Your Words" section where readers submit their thoughts to prompts.  I'm toying with the idea of adding this to my blog so I can get to know my readers better.  Any thoughts on this?  Good idea?  Bad idea?

Until I decide if this would be of interest, please humor me by answering this prompt:

If you could go anywhere, and do anything, and had all the money and logistics figured out--what would you do today?

What's Cooking 6/14-6/20

My love affair with the grill continues ...

Monday--Matt's fat cheeseburgers and home made fries
Tuesday--Mediterranean couscous with kale, grape tomatoes, and feta cheese
Wednesday--Garlic Herb Halibut and spinach
Thursday--Spicy honey chicken (I could eat this every week!)
Friday--Steaks and salad
Saturday--BBQ bone-in chicken breasts
Sunday--Dad's choice (but I'm feeling Balsamic chicken thighs and mixed greens)

Want to Read Stephanie Meyer's New Book for Free?

Stephanie Meyer's new book--the Short Second Life of Bree Tanner--is online and available to read for free (online only--not copying/pasting/printing or saving) until July 5, 2010.

Follow this link if you're interested.  But remember my chick-flick warnings.  It is a story.  Only a story.  Your husband can't/shouldn't be Jacob or Edward :)

http://ld-breetannerbook.libredigital.com/index.html

Days of Play--Write on Windows

My delightful little home has a ton of windows.  I hate to clean them but we LOVE to color on them.

What?

Yep.  Grab a box of dry-erase markers (or window writing markers as marketed by Crayola) and let your kids doodle all over the windows.
Need to erase?  Just use an old rag.  To clean up, windex and wipe.

I'm not sure if this is fun because it's unusual or because it feels naughty (kids tend to love the naughtiness).

You decide.

Can't commit your windows to art/graffiti?  Try making your own white board.  Take a piece of white tagboard (any size--I used 5x7 notecards when I taught.  Yesterday I made an 8x11 for my daughter) and wrap it in clear contact paper.  WaLa!  A white board that travels and cleans easily.

Date Night--Quarter Date

Okay, most of my date ideas are "Date Night In" ideas but this one is still pretty cheap and fun.

Here's what you need:

• A car
• 1 roll of quarters (which is $10).

Here's the challenge:

You and your husband must drive around town and get a full meal (main course, vegetable, drink, and dessert) for two people using ONLY $10 worth of quarters.  To make it even trickier, you can spend no more than $2 at each location (and this includes tax).

Your dinner might be a taco, french fries, a free cup of water, and a chocolate chip cookie but you'll have a good time.

Don't want to pay for a sitter?   Take the kids and make it a family date (but you only get to an additional $2.50 for each kid). It's good for them to see you and your husband being a little silly.

Gonna try it?  Tell me all about it!

the "IT" list

Welcome to the "IT" list!

Every week Jill from the Good Life For Less rounds up the best blog ideas and compiles them into one smokin' hot, link lovin' good time!  Take a minute, or an hour--whatever, and check out these fab finds (and the inspiring blogs that showcase 'em)!


And by the way, do you recognize the watch?  I can practically feel the forces of nature telling me that Matt should have it for Father's Day!

We have a SUPER fab line-up this week gals... as I was compiling the "it" list I kept saying, "...that is my favorite... no, no, this one has got to be the best... wait, wait, I just love this one!" Take some time today or this weekend to visit each of these brillz blogs - you won't be sorry!

• Jess of jesslc and makeundermylife is hosting one (or NINE!) hot giveaways this week (it ends today so scoot on over bunnies!)... Five Days, Nine Blogs, Nine Giveaways. The best part - there is a great cause behind these fun necklaces!
• the pretty bee has me *buzzing* over this doily wall art! I even had to get the behind the scenes details on pricing (you know me!) - the objects of my affection cost less than $2.00 at the fabric store. Don't miss this!
• the good life for less reminds you that the Summer looks:book is up and ripe for the picking! It's all the wardrobe inspiration that you will need to get you to fall.
• where is the me in mommy rounds up Father's Day gift ideas (which reminds me.... I need to get on that.)
• do. think. wear. see. love. dream. is inspired by Sundance... so she shops her own closet to achieve the look. LOVE THIS. Also, she offers new readers a re-cap on what's up at her blog... what a good idea! She's a doll, just a doll...
• a spot of whimsy is inspired to throw a beach themed party... and after reading that post, I am too. She has captured the essence of "beach" perfectly.
• karina, ink in all her craftiness takes dollar bin finds and makes them into a memento display. She makes it looks so easy... always.
• one hundred inspirations brings us January Jones' simple & chic summer look for less than $70. Nice. Very nice.
• sweetie pie pumpkin noodle whips up an outfit inspired by this sunset and it's drop.dead.
• merci, blah, blah rounds up, hands down, the most glamorous selection of chandeliers I have ever seen. I'll take one, or a million, of each.
• one sweet find has me dreaming of champagne hot air balloon rides. Swoon....

Interested in being featured on the "it" list? Small businesses, retailers and bloggers alike are welcome to join this weekly publication! email goodlifeforless (at) gmail.com for info!

Thanks for checking out this week's IT list.  If this is your first time on Where is the ME in Mommy? I'd love to have you take a peek at some of my most popular posts!


Click the following phrases to read up!


Orgasms
Letting Go
That's What She Said!
Wearing Black and Brown Together

Things I love--My Pots and Pans

For our wedding we were given a set of stainless steel pots and pans from QVC. Th brand is Cook's Essentials.

I consider myself to be a pretty dang good cook (and if you disagree, you are henceforth formally disinvited to dinner).  Anyhow, I've run the gamut of pots and pans.  Calpahan, La Creucet, cast iron, Pampered Chef, Rachel Ray--you name it, I've tried it.  And you know what, I always, always, always come back to my fairly inexpensive Cook's Essential pots and pans.

They are heavy duty, non-stick, and dreamy.  And remember, I'm not getting paid or getting new pots and pans to say this.  These are the pans I use.  The pans I love.  The pans I recommend.  And I'll tell you, after 8 years of hardcore cookin' there's not a scratch in the non-stick coating (though I'm also anal about NEVER using metal cooking utensils!)

If you've got a wedding this summer, look into the 10 piece set of Cook's Essentials.  The cook in the marriage will thank you.

I love my pots and pans! *sigh*

What cooking gadgets do you love?

What I Think About--Dating Your Husband

This was one of my first posts and I feel like I owe it to myself, my marriage, and to you and your marriage to re-post it (since I now have more than 6 readers!).

Matt and I have been married for nearly seven and a half years but together for just under eleven.  It was just the two of us (well, and two slightly dysfunctional dogs we played "house" with) for six years.  In that time we were given to weekend trips to New York, moving to Vegas for the summer, and recklessly wasting time and resources dining out, going to the movies, and sleeping in until ten (*sigh*).

My how things have changed since we had children!  Most of the changes have been good but a few times I've looked at my husband and tried to remember the husband he was before he became a father.

Let me say that no man has been or will be as great of a father as Matt is (I expect you to disagree so we'll just agree to disagree).  He plays with our children, changes diapers, makes toys, plays dress-up, cooks, carries, cleans vomit ... He is not of of those men who comes home from a long day at work and is "done" for the day. He finishes his day when I finish mine, and sometimes later.

Though I love and admire the father in him, I also yearn for the Matt who wasn't a dad--fearless, reckless, spontaneous, dangerous, carefree.  Deep down he still is all those things but the daily routine grinds him down.  What I realized this December is that he felt the same way about me. And what we learned was that the key to igniting the pre-parent passions we had for each other was within our grasp.

What follows is an excerpt from an e-mail Matt sent to me on December 1, 2009 in preparation for our anniversary.

I tell you all the time that you are beautiful, and I tell you often that you are a wonderful mother.  What I don’t tell you all the time is that you are so mysterious…and I love that about you.  Though you tell yourself and others that you like to plan, play things safe and keep control at all times, one of the mysteries of you is that those things are not entirely true.  Even though you would never admit to it, I have come to realize your secret affinity for adventure and more importantly… spontaneity. 

One of the things I committed to you nearly seven years ago was that I would make you happy.  And while I know that you are happy in a general sense, it bothers me that we so easily get bogged down in the routineness of being married, of being parents and of life tasks.  Every time I have asked you in the past three months about your happiness and what about life is causing you stress, it is the daily reality that is grindingly numbing.  You are so tough.  You raise our children with excellence, you care for your family and you are a wonderful friend.  But deep down, I know that a little adventure….a little romance…..a little passion and a little spontaneity just might create an opportunity for us.

Every day from now until our anniversary, I am going to present you with at least one opportunity to do something completely spontaneous.  There is no pressure on your part to accept each opportunity.  Some will be more adventurous than others.  Some may even stretch your comfort level.  But deep down I know there is an inner Bond girl dying to escape…

Thus was born the Legacy Parkway Spy School.  For the next twenty days Matt sent me on wild goose chases taking secret photos of him, creating movies, practicing "Unagi" (we love Friends), and learning how to box. These games, these spontaneous "challenges" were nothing more than little thoughts meant to brighten my day by reminding me that before I was a mom, I was a sexy, confident woman . . . and still could be.  

When I share this story with friends I always get comments like "I wish my husband would do stuff like that."  All I can say is this, DO IT FIRST.  Be the change you want to see in your marriage.

• Date your husband.  
  
• Wow him.  
  
• Remind him that he is a sexy and confident man.
  
• Remind him that before he was your children's father, he was your lover.  

I've re-created some of my spy school challenges (and created new ones).  

If you want to spice up your married date life, check out these links.  Do them. Have fun with them.  

If you blog, blog about the benefits of sending your man to "Spy School" (and send me the link so I can read about it).  If you don't blog, e-mail me messages and photos to post!

Bond Spy School for Hot Dads

Letter of Introduction

Challenge #1--Covert Operations

Challenge #2--The Art of Observation

Challenge #3--Shaken, Not Stirred

Challenge #4--The One with Unagi

Challenge #5--Man of Many Talents

Challenge #6--Man of Distinguished Taste

Challenge #7--Cookin' Up Something Hot

Challenge #8--Casino Royal

If you want to bring back pre-baby passion to your marriage, I think it is partially your responsibility to inspire it.  Date your husband!

Just a little photo (one of the few we could post) from our Body Paint date night in!

Tuesday's Too Clean Tip--Clean Your Oven

Even though my oven is "self-cleaning" I am loath to actually turn on the "clean cycle."  I mean, it smells so nasty in my house for five hours that I'm certain it's not worth it.  The problem is, I don't exactly like the burnt and dirty oven smell when I'm baking cookies either.

What I generally end up doing is spraying some commercial, chemical based oven spray in my oven and then cleaning it and getting a chemical-spray induced headache.  Lovely.

                                                                                                  

                                                                                                               

Isn't there an easier way?

Truthfully?  No.

But there is a chemical free way!

The night before you want to clean, get a bowl and fill it 1/2 c. of ammonia. Close the door and let it sit all night (okay, this is a chemical but it's the pre-wash part so it doesn't count).

The next morning remove the ammonia and let the oven air out for a few minutes.

Now, take 5 teaspoons of baking soda, 2-3 drops of liquid dishwashing soap, and white vinegar and make a paste (you thought I was going to say lemons didn't you?).  Scrub the inside of your oven with the paste and a cotton cloth.  Get a spray bottle and spray with water to rinse then wipe dry.

If your oven is UBER nasty and you have some seriously tough stains, mix 1 c. baking soda, 1 cup of salt and enough white vinegar to make a heavy paste.  Rub all over your oven.  Turn oven on to 500 and leave for 30-60 minutes.  Turn off.  Leave the door closed and allow to cool.  Spray with a water bottle to rinse and wipe dry.

The good news is that this is mostly chemical free.  The bad news is that it still can be smelly (just not burnt-oven/chemical smelly).

If you think you hate cleaning your oven more than I hate cleaning mine, plead your case in the comments!  Wouldn't an "I hate oven cleaning" haiku be fun?

    

In Celebration of Hot Dads

Father's Day--June 20th

It's nearly that time of year.  You know, the day when your husband gets to be "World's Best Dad" according to every greeting card, mug, and T-Shirt out there.

When I was growing up my dad always wanted the same two things for Father's Day: cologne and socks (black ones that he'd wear with sandals.  Now do you understand why I'm nuts?).

For some reason, like having it ingrained in me since I was six, I always get my dad, my father-in-law, and my husband really practical gifts for Father's Day (read: cologne, socks, and every now and then, blue underwear with yellow bananas on them.  No, I'm not kidding).

This year I want to break out of the mold and give my husband something that he would love.

Here are some thoughts.

Cologne
If I'm going to get him cologne, I giving him Acqua Di Gio.  If this cologne was a piece of clothing it would be Mister Roger's cardigan.  Classic.  Comfortable.  Sexy (okay, not the first word you think of when you hear Mr. Rogers OR cardigan but trust me, it's awesome).

Fashion

I'm one of those women who TOTALLY lucked out and married a guy with an a-maz-ing fashion sense.  He could (and does, actually) pull of cardigans.  Matt loves to go shopping and he never looks at sizes.  While I'm obsessing over whether I'm a 4, 6 or an 8, he pulls out a pair of pants and says, "These'll fit.  Trust me."  And I do because he's always right (about shopping, that is).

Anyhow, even though he has to wear dress shirts and ties and suits to work, I'm not getting these things for Father's Day.  Instead, I'd look into these:

Super Casual--Super Cool--Did I mention hats and jeans shirts/jackets are hot this summer?

Tees by Old Navy
Casual Shoes by Converse

Hoodies and Flips--Tell me I'm not the only one who digs this look?

Sandals by American Eagle
Sunglasses by American Eagle

Country shirt--Thank God he's a country boy (really, Matt graduated with 13 other kids).

Longsleeve Shirts by Old Navy
Belts by American Eagle

Outdoors
My husband loves all things sporty and outdoorsy.  Hiking, road biking, rock climbing, skydiving--you name it, he loves it.

Some ideas if your fella is outdoorsy:

• Grill set
• New bike helmet
• tent/sleeping bag
• grill
• tickets to his favorite sporting event

Sophisticated

Even though he can be a bit wild, Matt is at heart, extremely sophisticated.  In this vain, here's what I'm thinking:

• The book Freakonomics.  Reading ANYTHING written by an economist would elicit tears of boredom from me.  Matt's been drooling over this one for a couple of years.  Maybe this is the year!
• A really nice pen set
• A briefcase
• A Bocce Ball set

Practically Impractical

• A homemade jar of bacon butter (If you just said ewwwww join the club.  If your husband would eat bacon on ice cream, then trust me, he'll love it.)
• An acre of land on Mars (talk about Americans being imperialists!)
• Chuck Norris T-Shirt

Quality Time with a Quality Man

• Buy Ladder Ball and play a game (or two) with the kids.
• Pack an amazing picnic get outside for a day in the park, or mountains, or lake.

Home made

• With your children, put together a skit or song about your husband and perform it for him.
• Make the un-original breakfast in bed an original 5 Star meal.  Serve puffed french toast, fresh berries in cream, and  3 cheese scrambled eggs with orange juice.  Serve your husband on your best dishes.  Have breakfast by candle light.
• Give your husband coupons for acts of service (include one sexual act for when kids go to bed).

What Matt Really Wants

Though I've come up with lots of thoughts for Father's Day--mainly just to throw Matt off my trail--I know what he really wants.

Matt has a watch thing like I have an accessory thing.

Here's his latest watch crush--A Luminox Navy Seal Dive Watch.

Well, there are my rambling ideas on what to get the man in your life for his special day.  I'd tell you what Matt's getting but it's G14 Classified.  

Stopping by from the "it" list?

Thanks!

If this is your first time on Where is the ME in Mommy? I'd love to have you take a peek at some of my most popular posts!

Click the following phrases to read up!

Orgasms

Letting Go

That's What She Said!

Wearing Black and Brown Together

What's Cooking 6/7-6/13

This coming Friday and Saturday I'm going to a Beth Moore/Kay Arthur/Pricilla Shirer conference with my BFF Kim, my sister Randean, my mother-in-law, Aunt Julie and a slew of other gals.  Not only will I be spiritually filled AND get out my word count, I totally get to stay in a rockin' awesome hotel without kiddos.  Ahhhhhhhhh!  I can't wait!

Until then, here's what I plan of feeding my lovies!




Monday--Spicy Beef tacos on whole wheat tortillas with all the trimmings (cuz nothing can be easy at my house!)
Tuesday--Chicken Penne with salad and French bread
Wednesday--Orange Honey Teriyaki Chicken a la Frontier Kitchen (Photo is from Frontier Kitchen)
Thursday--Grilled steaks with home fries and green beans
Friday--I'm at the conference and daddy is cooking
Saturday--Matt's choice
Sunday--BBQ Salmon with wild rice and mixed greens

Days of Play--Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles

I know, I know--you blow bubbles an average of three hundred hours a year.

Trust me.  This is worth it.

Get together some light Karo syrup, water, dish soap and kitchen gadgets (think potato masher and whisks) and make some homemade bubbles.

You might have more fun than your kids.

For more information and a recipe, click here.  Or here.

Frugal Fashion Friday: Perfect Play Date Gear

So I get together with other moms and their kids a lot.  Really.  It's a sanity saver.

Though we'd never claim to be fashionistas, it is some sort of an unspoken rule that we all look super casual and super pulled together when take our kids out for a play date.  Here are some combos we pull together that have all the practicality of a woman chasing a three year old but still give our husbands a reason to wear their "I Love Hot Moms" T-Shirts.

White shorts, a tank top, comfy sandals and aviators never looked so good!

Shorts by Old Navy
Sandals by Old Navy

Super easy to pull together--blank tank, jean capris, strappy sandals, and a bold accessory.

Tanks by Old Navy
Sandals by Charlotte Russe

Take me out to the ball game--casual and comfortable do not have to mean sloppy!

Shorts by Forever 21
Sandals by Mossimo

Who knew a cardigan and great bag could dress up jean cut-offs?

Shorts by Forever 21
Sandals by Old Navy

Things I Love--Communicating with Children

I love my children.  They provide hours of endless joy.  I love learning what each little newborn whimper and sigh means.  I love teaching them to sign and then marvel when they actually sign "more" or "all done."  I love encouraging "mamas" "dadas" and "bagadidas."  I love singing along to Raffi in the car, reading the same books over and over and over and watching classic Donald Duck episodes (even though it's getting harder to laugh at "Applecore").

Learning to communicate with these little ones is so fun .... most of the time.

Recently we've run into a little problem communicating.  Case in point (these are just from today):

Mom says--"Please clean up your toys."
Child hears--"Please chew off your right leg and feed it to the neighbor's dog."

Mom says--"Sand stays in the sandbox.  It does not go on the grass, down your clothes, or in your hair."
Child hears--"Where sand goes is negotiable.  The grass loves it, baby brother thinks it feels great down his diaper, and you and Rocky should BOTH put it in your hair.  Right now."

Mom says--"Please don't take that from your brother."
Child hears--"The second I look away, take away the bath tub toy and when your brother starts to scream, look innocent and plead not guilty to all charges."

Mom says--"I need to make a phone call. Please go to your room a look at books until I come and get you."
Child hears--"While I'm on the phone, please hang on my leg, throw a tantrum, and scream about how mean I am for not giving you a sour gummy worm for breakfast."

Now as I write this I can look back and giggle at our miscommunications but when they are actually happening, I get pretty ticked off.

So while I generally love learning to communicate with my children, sometimes it gets a bit tiring--exasperating even.

Anyone else have some comical "miscommunications" to share?

What I Think About--Sex, Lies and Mom-Blog Bullies

In my local newspaper I read an article by Georgea Kovanis called "Sex, Lies, and Mom-Blog Bullies."  The article subtitle reads:

If you think high school is tough, with its cliques and mean girls, you probably haven't visited the ever-widening world of mommy blogs where women bully and bad-mouth each other in posts that are more personal and spiteful than your likely to find on sports or entertainment blogs.  Or on blogs written by dads.

The basic premise of this article is based on contentions over what and how women should share about mothering via blogs.

*Sigh*  Oh the drama.

For as long as I can remember, there have been value judgements made about women based on how they mother.  The article states that for a woman, "a huge part of their self-worth is tied up in their mothering abilities and skills."  And leave it to moms to make themselves feel better about their abilities by rejoicing in the not-so-stellar abilities of other moms.  "For eons, moms have judged each other.  They've whispered about who is breast feeding, who is baking cookies, who is providing the best after-school and summer vacation options, who is the best mom."  While these value-judgements used to be made between gossiping friends, now these claims are shared for all to see on the internet.  Awesome.

There are anti-mom blog women out there (such as the now defunct pooponpeeps.com).  Anti-mom blog women fall under 2 categories (near as I can tell).

1. Group #1--These are moms.  They love to be moms.  They don't mind us being moms.  But they want more from a blog than cute stories, craft ideas, and menu plans.  These women don't want to know what we did at the park or how many teeth our children have.  They want to read thoughtful and edgy posts that have nothing to do with poop or time-outs.  Fair enough--I understand this anti-mom blog group (though I'm clearly not a member!).  
2. Group #2--They are moms.  They love to be moms.  They want us to be moms.  The problem with "them" is they want us to mother THEIR way.  As in, their discipline, their menus, their values, their "I'm seeking the imaginary mom-of-the-year award" June Cleaver lifestyle.  And if moms like me challenge traditional methods or myths about motherhood (i.e. if I let on to readers that being a mom can be hard), we are branded as public enemy #1 which results in having our marriages, parenting-styles and womanhood totally bashed (in the name of being classy, apparently). 

(FYI--There are other anti-mom blog groups such as teenaged boys and girls, avid fishermen, etc., but I chose not to discuss them for obvious reasons).

If you've ever read a mom blog (including mine) then you've probably read some non-sugar coated stuff about being a mom.  I'm the first to say I chose to be a mom.  I chose to be a SAHM.  I am living the life I chose.  That does not make my life perfect.  I don't wake up to rainbows and butterflies.  Most days are amazing but some can be bad.  Is it wrong to admit that being a mom "isn't all milk and cookies?"  Is it awful for me to admit that sometimes my kids drive me nuts (or that I want a kid-free day)?  Does being real about who I am as a women, a wife, and a mom make less of a mommy?

One of the biggest lies I see about moms is that all we can be is moms.  Am I the only mom who wants to be more than a mom?  I mean, the whole point of my blog is to celebrate and balance the duplicitous roles women take as wife, woman, and mom.  I just don't think it is wrong for me to share ways I try to make my marriage spicy, to give my viewpoints on subjects that I'm passionate about or to share what trends I'm digging.  Am I wrong here?

Remember my post on keepin' it real?  That's my goal here.  This blog is my free therapy.  It is a place for women in all aspects of life to come together to share and learn and encourage.  It is a place to be real--good and bad.

That being said, what I write here might not appeal to you.  You might not understand it or me.  It might be offensive.  If you don't like what I write, please know you have my permission to unfollow or unsubscribe to this blog immediately.  I'll be honest that is stinks to lose followers but if it's time to move on, please feel free to move about blog-land.

This blog is all about encouraging women to be the best moms they can be but to also be more than moms--to be inspired women and passionate wives (yes, this sometimes means sex).

What I think is this blog is a Mom-Blog bully free zone.

If you are an anti-mom blog bully, please take your snarky comments and sanctimonious "Mom of the Year" awards elsewhere because I effectively remove my name from the nomination list (and pursuant to my comment clause in the About section, I'll remove unhelpful, disrespectful, and drama-laden comments immediately).

Anyone out there in blog land run into blog bullies?  How did you handle it?

Tuesday's Too Clean Tip--Clean Tea Pot

I don't like coffee. Really. I can't stand the stuff.  The smell make me gag. Ewwwww.  On a weird side note, I do like coffee ice cream.  Once my college roommate, Ami, and I decided to make our own coffee ice cream.  Big mistake.  Huge.

Anyway, I'm not a coffee person but I do love, love, love tea!  Eons ago,For my 22nd birthday my mom and dad got me a great, expensive electric tea pot.  I love it but it is a pain in the rear to clean.  However, any tea drinker worth their salt knows that tea 1.  Can't be microwaved and 2.  Is best when properly brewed in a clean pot.  (If you are such a technical tea drinker that you think "properly" means boiled over a gas stove--pooh on you!).

It is a must to have a good, clean pot (is there a drug reference like "that's what she said"?  If so, this is a perfect time to use it--good, clean pot.  Ha ha!).  Wow--am I digressing?!

Back to the pot (!).  To clean your tea pot there are two very easy options.

1. Put 1 cup of white vinegar into the pot.  Fill to the brim with boiling water.  Let sit overnight.  Drain.  Rinse. Wash. Rinse. Dry. Make tea.
2. Put 4 tablespoons of baking soda into the tea pot.  Fill to the brim with boiling water.  Let sit overnight.  Drain.  Rinse. Wash. Rinse. Dry. Make tea.

There actually is a third option and that is to use a denture cleaning tab in your tea pot.  I'm too young to have denture cleaning tabs lying around so this option is really a non-option for me.

Since I'm not a coffee drinker I can't be certain but I'd bet you can use the same steps to clean out your nasty coffee carafes.

Hope your day "brews" up something spectacular.

Comment line--coffee, tea or other?  Be prepared to defend yourself.

Perceiving Beauty

In Washington, D.C.'s Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007 a man with a violin played six classical pieces for roughly forty-five minutes. During that time approximately two thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.


After 

3 minutes: 

A middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried on his way.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar from a woman who threw the money in the hat without stopping.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

 A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed harder and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. 

During this time, only six people stopped and listened for a short while. About twenty gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

The musician finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded.

The violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

The questions raised:

• In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
• Do we stop to appreciate it?
• Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

 One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made, how many other things are we missing?

How many people pass by and we do not make any effort to know them--or really, to see them?

In what ways do we take day-to-day beauty for granted?

What is one beautiful thing you are grateful for today?

What's Cooking 5/31-6/6

Ohmygosh!  Is it June already?  I can't tell you how happy I am to have grill-worthy weather.  This time of year I get a little wild with my cooking (and by wild I mean lazy and sporadic).

Near as I can tell we'll be eating something along these lines:

Monday--Honey pepper pork loin and sweet potatoes with kale
Tuesday--Spicy honey chicken with raw veggies
Wednesday--Enchiladas with Spanish Rice
Thursday--BBQ Chicken legs and baked beans (the really unhealthy kind!)
Friday--Chili-Lime steak with cilantro rice
Saturday--Halibut--haven't decided how yet!
Sunday--Dad's grill master choice

Days of Play--Nature Walk Collector

The days are finally starting to feel springish .... hopefully I didn't just jinx us, Wyomingites!.

It's time to get out of the house.

Grab a sack and go on a walk.  Let your kids lead--you follow.  Encourage them to explore their surroundings and to "collect" things on the walk (though this might be a good time to explain that it isn't neighborly to collect flowers from other people's gardens).

When you get home, get a strong piece of cardboard and glue.  Have your kiddo turn the collected stuff into a piece of art.  Display it for one week.

Date Night In--Star gazing

When the kids are in bed, sneak out into the yard or onto the patio (if you live in WY take lots of blankets and make cocoa).  Spend some time outside star gazing.  Lay on your backs.  Hold hands.


When Matt and I do this we like to play "Would You Rather ..."  This is silly and easy to play.  Simply come up with two options and your partner has to answer.

You can be:

• Silly--"Would you rather kiss a monkey or a mouse?"
• Adventurous--"Would you rather climb Everest or do a shark cage dive?"
• Gross--"Would you rather eat my booger or one of the kids' boogers?"
• Sexy--"Would you rather kiss me in the car or in the rain?"

Another fun gazing ideas is to wager how many shooting stars you'll see.  Who ever is right (or is the closest without going over--Price is Right rules all the way, baby!) gets a foot rub for the same number of minutes as there were shooting stars (4 stars=4 minutes).

Things I Love--Being Okay with NOT being SuperMom

Today's edition of "Things I Love" was penned by a friend (which leads me to another point--I love guest bloggers.  Want to join the fun?  E-mail me at whereisthemeinmommy@gmail.com).

Rachael is the mom of two little girls, Emily and Jane, and a devoted wife to Chris.  She is the witty one in our local mom's play group.  In her "spare time" she bargain shops for rugs to replace ones that her daughter spilled bleach on and entertains her facebook masses with her humor.

Enjoy Rachael's words.  Surely you'll see why we love NOT being SuperMom and why I love "UltraMom" Rachael!

Rachael with her daughters Emily and Jane (neither of whom were named after literary icons).

As a woman, I fill multiple roles. Every woman does. I can proudly claim the titles “wife”, “mother”, “daughter”, “sister” and “friend”. But one title has eluded my capture these many years.  Despite my best efforts, I am not a “super mom”. Oh how I long to be called super. I dream about getting shirts, mugs and cards for mother’s day emblazoned with the words “Super Mom”. But super I am not. Why? I do not hold down a full time job.

Come to think of it, I kind of see the point of view of the world when they label me “Just Mom”. After all, I can’t think of anything less super than being so covered with oatmeal, snot and mystery liquids that my original clothing choice doesn’t make it past 9 a.m.. 

I certainly don’t feel super when, after feeding my toddler and my preschooler, I finally get to sit down to lunch and my toddler makes a deposit in her diaper. While changing her diaper, my preschooler will inevitably yell, “Mom, I just pooped! Come wipe me!”. By the time I return to the soggy bowl of cereal that is my lunch, the smell of feces lingering in my nostrils, I am feeling about as far as super as it gets.

The other moms at the mall don’t see me as super when I am wildly chasing after one child while trying to get the other child to come to me voluntarily by yelling at the top of my lungs (this never works, by the way).

I am sure that there are many days my excellent husband doesn’t see me as super when he comes home from work to a blubbering mess of a wife who can only blurt out the words, “tantrum… vomit… blowout… carpet… ruined”.

It’s no mystery to me why my cape, tights, “S” emblem and red knee high boots aren’t in the mail. It’s because kids don’t use labels like “super” or “stay at home” or “ultra mom” (This is what I am really longing to be called. Think it will catch on?) because I would like to believe that there are moments when my kids think I’m super. They think I’m super when I take them to the Children’s Garden and they get to take their time exploring. They think I’m super when I make a birthday cake that loosely resembles their favorite cartoon character. They think I’m super when I find a favorite lost toy or am able to produce a comforting blankie at a crucial moment. They think I’m super when I cure minor injuries with Band-Aids, popsicles and snuggles.  If my kids had their way, they’d be throwing oatmeal at the Super Mom uniform every morning. And that’s what really matters.

Something tells me that when I go back to work in a couple years and the world finally admits me to the Super club, I won’t feel any more super than I do now.  In fact, I have a sneaky suspicion that the veteran moms are right and I will someday look back on these years at home with my kids as the best of my life. Of course, by then, my fading memory will have wiped out all the bodily fluids and tantrums that marked these years. When my kids are grown and moved away, I have a feeling that all I will remember these years for the time I got to spend with my children. I will think of golden days at the park, first steps, first words, playing princess, reading books and singing songs. I will remember my children seeing snow, blooming flowers and helium balloons as great miracles. That’s super enough for me. Even if I don’t get to wear a uniform.

Summer Fashion Resource

I've gushed about The Good Life for Less before and Jill's done it again!

If you need to know the summer fashion must-haves or 37 outfit ideas, check this out!

$4 is a bargain!

What I think About--Letting Go (advice appreciated!)

I’ve become monster and I hate it.  I am angry, hateful, and spiteful (I'd include a photo here but really, it's not pretty).  That is not me.  The root of all this is a very unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship.  In fact there is a person who watches this blog not because she wants to be a part of a loving community or values my thoughts but because she is  “checking up” on me.  This letter is directed toward that person.  I’m sorry to use this public venue for such a private conversation but all other attempts of communication have failed.  I’m desperate.

I ask that in all this, you will pray for this woman to fully accept the love of Christ and to find her security, esteem and value in Him alone.  And I beg that you would pray for me. Specifically pray that I would continue to be loving and compassionate even to this person who hates me.  Please pray that I would release my anger to God and be only who He wants me to be and trust that He will work in and through me—even in this yucky situation.  Please pray that God will redeem this relationship.

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I don’t even know enough about you to know if you liked Friends but there was an episode where everyone is slowly finding out about Monica and Chandler.  Rachel and Phoebe mess with them and keep saying, “they don’t know we know they know we know” (if you need comedic relief—especially after reading this--click here).  Anyhow, you’ve been “watching” this blog silently for months.  You don’t know I know that you know about this blog.  But I do.

I do not deny that I have hurt you in the past.  I’ve gossiped about you and thought bad things about you.  I’ve enabled your bad behavior and have not held you to high standards.  I’ve apologized.  I’ve tried to include you in special events and outings.  I’ve called, sent notes, sent e-mails, sent gifts, texted, and invited you to my private family blog.   You do not talk to me.  You have gone out of your way to intentionally hurt and ignore my family and me.  You’ve accused me of seeking to harm you and isolating you but you have taken no responsibility for your actions.  This relationship is dysfunctional and emotionally abusive. 

What I have to say today is: ENOUGH.

Since January, though arguably for the last ten years, I’ve been trying to find the Biblical balance between forgiving you “70x7” and guarding my heart.  How many times am I supposed to forgive someone who doesn’t seek forgiveness or change?  How many times must I turn the other cheek?  At what point does placating your actions hurt you more than me?  This is a sticky slope.  What I’ve come to realize is that forgiveness frees me. 

Please forgive me.

I forgive you. 

Though I love you for who you are and where you are, I love you too much to let you continue down this destructive path.  Like a woman who leaves an alcoholic and abusive husband until he is sober and has demonstrated change, I am leaving this relationship until you are able to show “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8).

I am making a choice to respond—not react—to you.  You may choose to not deal with your issues but I will not continue to expose my children or myself to the wake of chaos that follows your lack of self-control. 

I am building a boundary.  This building is not a wall but a fence.  The gate is open for you to come through when you chose. 

Of course my great fear, perhaps the greatest fear of anyone who has been in this position is that you will never walk through the gate--that we will never have a relationship--that I won’t know your children and you won’t know mine.  Scary as this thought is, I must lean on this quotation, “Sometimes, the hard truth is that they will not talk to you anymore, or they will leave the relationship if they can no longer control you.  This is a true risk.  God takes this risk every day.  He says that he will only do things the right way and that he will not participate in evil.  And when people choose their own ways, he lets them go.  Sometimes we have to do the same.”

Without malice, without ill-intent you must know that I am letting you go.  You are free of your imaginary competition between us.  You are free of any social obligations to my family or to me.  You are free of having to pretend for my sake--for anyone's sake.  You are free to find who you are and how you fit into the world without comparing yourself to me.  You are free of any burdens or expectations put on you by me.  When it comes to my family and me, you are free!

But know this, I love you.  I desire a loving and healthy relationship with you.  I want you in my life.  I want you to be a member of my blog community.  I am crying as I write this.  When you are ready, if you are ever ready, I am here.  Henceforth the fence will be up but the gate will always be open.

70x7—but with boundaries,

Reagan

What I think about relationships is that they need boundaries. How do you balance guarding your heart with the need to forgive?  Am I right in distancing myself from this relationship?

Advice ladies, advice.

Too Clean Tuesday--Remove Hair Spray Residue

On the Where is the ME in Mommy Facebook page, dear friend Heather asked, "What is the best way to get icky sticky hair spray off bathroom doors and walls?  (Have I even mentioned how much I love your questions and comments?)


Great question and here's my reply:


There are a couple of options for removing hair spray residue. 

• The strongest option is to rub or spray isopropyl alcohol on the wall with a cloth.  Rinse.   Then wash the wall with dishwashing soap (such as Joy or Dawn). Rinse and dry. Though this technique is the strongest you must be careful because the alcohol can remove paint!
• Another option is to make a mix of 1 cup fabric softener to 2 cups of water. Spray onto wall. Wipe. Rinse. Dry.  By the way, this will make your room smell divine.  Want something else to do with fabric softener?  Check here.
• A final option is to make a paste of baking soda and lemon juice and water and rub it on the wall. Rinse and dry.

I've heard of people using kitchen grease spray removers (such as Formula 409), Scrubbing Bubbles, vinegar and Mr. Clean Magic Erasers to clean hairspray goo but I can't speak to how these work since I haven't tried them.  I urge caution :)


What have you done to remove hair spray stick from the walls?


Have a cleaning question?  I'd love to share my thoughts!

Stork Report!

THIS JUST IN!

The airspace over my house is STILL a "No Fly" zone.  All trespassing storks will be dealt with harshly (read: gunned down).

Sorry to disappoint you but my big news has nothing to do with being on the nest.  I love my beautiful children and I have enough (at least right now).

Is the suspense been killing you?

Are you dying to know my dirty little secret?

Here it is .....

                  WAIT!

You didn't think I'd just blurt it out ... did you?

There's lots of talk about God's gifts and I believe all of it.  Early on in my life I knew my gift was teaching.  I taught before I was a mom.  As a mom, I teach about 18 hours a day (you know how that goes).  For my "me" time I've been continuing my education--doing what I can do to be a better teacher.  But something seemed to be missing.  I love my husband.  I love my children.  But I also love teaching.  I knew I didn't want a "regular" teaching job because I didn't want to be away from my children 40+ hours a week. 

So I prayed something would come my way.  Shortly after I started praying, a position teaching history at a local community college opened up.  The position hadn't been open since I moved here four years ago.  Was this a "sign"?  I applied.  For various reasons, this job didn't work out.

But while Job A wasn't working out, Job B came at me from no where!  They sought me out.  They contacted me.  They offered me the position (turns out word of mouth is pretty darn powerful).  I wrangled with the offer. It involves a commute. It involves being away from my kids several hours a week.  It means change and I'm not one of those people who loves change (though I'm also not one of those people who freaks out when Facebook moves the "log out" button!).  It means finding child care that meets my standards (which are pretty dang high).  It means adjustment, and being out of my comfort zone, and being more committed and being in a position   where   I    might       F   A   I     L.

I took it.

Starting this August I will be a part-time professor at our state's only university.  I'll be teaching methods to education students entering phase II of their teacher preparation experience.  

I'm thrilled.

What's Cooking

We've had a few hectic weeks with Matt traveling for a trial and a nasty little spring cold that made our diets consist mainly of chicken broth and crackers.  That being said, we didn't do last week's meal plan and will, instead, be eating it this week.

Please check here for the meal plan.

Have a great week!