Things I Love: NAUGHTY!

A waist is a terrible thing to mind and a mind is a terrible thing to waste.  Especially a dirty mind.

What can I say?  I'm a fan of sick, naughty humor.

Anything about farts can make me giggle.  Hysteria surrounds sharts.

I find the F word to be quite entertaining.  One day my kids will yell it at me like it's gonna break my heart but I'll probably laugh and high five them because, hey, I can totally handle F-Bomb rebellion.

Apparently my friends have picked up on my love of the naughty.  One of them posted this on my facebook page.

Source: dalanicole.blogspot.com via RJ on Pinterest

For someone like me who has a mature taste in the tasteless, somecards is pretty much the equivalent of cigarettes for a smoker.

My love for the naughtiness pretty much means I can lift my spirits anytime I go to somecards.com

Here are some of my naughty faves (STOP HERE and don't read if language offends)

Source: someecards.com via RJ on Pinterest

Source: someecards.com via RJ on Pinterest

Source: someecards.com via RJ on Pinterest

For the record, I pulled all of these off my Pinterest account. But please,

Source: someecards.com via RJ on Pinterest

What I Think About: Polarization and Chicken Sandwiches

Chic-Fil-A drama--it's everywhere.  And technically I'm over it.  Way over it.  So in some ways I'm really bummed I'm writing this but here I am, plunking away on my Mac keys.  I tend to have multiple personalities this way.l

As a committed ally to the GLBTQ cause and a follower of Christ, I've wanted to stay out of the chicken sandwich debate but last Wednesday the Facebook rants were more than I could handle.  I'm not a "sit on the sidelines" kind of girl.  Mike Huckabee and people who are my Facebook friends were showing how committed Christians were since they were lined up at Chic-Fil-A and how this made the leftists crazy. (As though no Christian was ever on the left ... As though I can only be a "good" Christian if I eat a chicken sandwich or verbally condemn GLBTQ people as sinners).

I had a few people ask my take.

You asked for it.

IT'S A CHOICE (OR NOT)

I don't believe sexual/affectional orientation is a choice.  I've been my affectional orientation my whole life--why would it be different for someone else? (I know people have stopped "being" gay but I also know people who have "stopped" being brunettes.  It doesn't mean they were never brunettes--just that they've made a conscious decision to take actions to not be a brunette anymore--maybe because blondes have more fun and privileges. They will always be brunette, regardless of what changes they make to their lives/hair color).  You might believe orientation is a choice but you should know there is no solid proof one way or the other.  So your opinion is just that--OPINION not fact. The big question is this, should your opinion supersede the rights and opinions of others?  If so, why?

For the sake of this debate, I'm gonna play along with the "choice" theory even though I think it's hooey.  Let's talk about choices.

I was not born spouting opinions or toting a firearm but both of these CHOICES are protected.  I was not born a Christian but I CHOSE to become one and that choice is protected.  Choice is protected and valued ... except, it appears, where choosing to love someone is concerned.  Then that choice is discriminated against and put to a vote.  Don't forget, people, that real--and I mean REAL--persecution is coming.  We will be persecuted for CHOOSING Christ.   For CHOOSING our religion.   The precedent we set by denying justice and equality to those whose lifestyles we disagree with will come back on us.  Those we deny Christ to will have their say.  

Most importantly, Jesus did not require us to be clean and perfect before He loved us.  He LOVES people in the darkness.  He loves us at our darkest.  The only CHOICE that in unforgivable is denying Christ.  All other choices Christ can work with.  So get over your "it's a choice" moot point and and take people as they are.  Loving people is a CHOICE.  I CHOOSE to love as Jesus loved--without question and prerequisite because I believe HE makes all things work together for good.  

The FIGHT FOR TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE

Now this whole stink started because Cathy stated Chic-Fil-A supports traditional marriage.  Sounds great, right?

But what is traditional marriage?  Look in the Old Testament Mosaic Law.  Ask King David.  I'm pretty sure the picture of "traditional marriage" was polygamy.  Yes, yes.  We live under the new Covenant.  The new covenant only denies polygamy to men who want to be church leaders.  Polygamy is not prohibited in the Bible and is, in fact, our longest standing picture of marriage.  Aren't we all brideS of Christ?  Does Chic-Fil-A really support "traditional" marriage that includes polygamy?  I doubt it.  What they support is the church definition of marriage being the unity of man and woman that came out of some church meeting long after the death of Christ.

Am I saying I'm for polygamy?  I did NOT say that.  The Bible clearly states everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.  What I'm demonstrating is how "traditional" marriage doesn't exactly mean what Cathy thinks it means.  Traditional depends on who creates (and enforces) the tradition (we have a historical tradition of slavery but I'm pretty sure none of us are on board with maintaining that practice).

And while I'm on the topic, granting marriage equality doesn't take away what marriage means to "traditional" Christians.  The biggest threat to marriage is divorce (not marriage) and to that I say, Christians, look at your Church and the divorce that is rampant there.  Attack THAT practice and save marriages!

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY and JESUS

I know what the Bible says about homosexuality.  Do you know what it says about obesity?  Money grubbers?  We still let those people (who make those anti-Christian choices) in church and get married. What gives? Do you know what the Bible says about slavery (and do we support it)?  Do you know what it says about women who aren't virgins (and do we follow that mandate)?  Do you know what it says about powerful women and women leaders (and do we support it)?  Remember the Bible has been used as a bludgeon to uphold slavery, racial segregation, and objectification.  The WORD is truth; however, when used to be "right" rather than "righteous," it is a tool that turns people FROM Jesus rather than TO Jesus.

And now Jesus.  Half the people are supporting Chic-Fil-A because that's what Jesus would do.  Really?  Because the Jesus I know loves whores, and thieves, and the corrupt, and the unclean and He'd probably be feeding those people rather than supporting the Pharasiees who tell those whores they don't deserve equality because of their choices--because they don't uphold every aspect of the law.  The Jesus I know--well, He would be giving grace, not condemnation.

Our role is to turn people TO Jesus and let HIM work in their lives.  We are not the Holy Spirit; it is not our role to judge and convict sinners.  We are just tools who gets to love people so they know Jesus and let Him and the Spirit do mighty works in their lives.

FREE SPEECH, OPINIONS, and BOYCOTTS

Cathy--the President of Chic-Fil-A, as an individual, has a right to his opinion.  However he came out (pun intended) as a spokesperson for his company; thus, it makes sense those opposed to his opinions would lash out at the company.  

Right now you're probably thinking some "free speech" nonsense and that's what it is.  NONSENSE.  Our free speech has been and always will be limited.  Don't believe me? Threaten the President's life.  Go into a crowded venue and scream FIRE!  Trust me, there will be repercussions for what you say.

We can say what we want--that is a given--but with the right to free speech comes the responsibility to accept the consequences of our words.  This is especially true of Christians who will be held accountable for every word we say (Matthew 12:36).  Don't deceive yourself into thinking Cathy (or anyone) should be allowed to say whatever they want without consequence.  How dangerous that would be ...

On a business sense, I don't think states or cities should be able to deny permits because they disagree with a company's opinions, as long as their business practices are legal and ethical.  On the other hand, if individuals want to boycott (not persecute, boycott.  Boycotting is not persecution.  You want to know about persecution?  Read The Voice of the Martyrs) that is their right.

If you just said, "Amen," keep reading.  If you don't want the Government to interfere with opinions, and businesses, then why in the hell should Government be allowed to interfere with whom one loves and shares intimate relations with?  Big Brother Government is bad at work AND at home.  

Now some of my friends insinuate boycotting pushes people away and that Christians should love people rather than boycott them.  Brilliant argument, though tragically flawed. Those who boycott companies they perceive as being Anti-Gay are doing so because they LOVE people and they are taking a stand for equality.  Some support for the 1st Amendment.  Others boycott for the 14th Amendment. 

THE LEFTIES ARE HATE MONGERS 

First, this isn't a right/left issue.  I know lots of Lefties who support Chic-Fil-A and a lot of Righties who refuse to eat Chic-Fil-A because they support martial equality.  Stop polarizing this issue Right/Left because no issues is as easily defined as right/left, regardless of what our politicians and media would like us to believe.  Look at me!  Fiscally conservative, socially liberal.  I don't fit in the box--neither do most people.

As for hate mongering--I know how Christians are labeled as being hateful for standing up for their right to their religious beliefs (frustrating because I'm so pro-equality but because I follow Christ I'm assumed to be an enemy to the cause).  But I also know how Christians draw a line in the sand and are point out the sins of everyone who isn't on their side of the line.  Christians call people they don't know sinners (and sometimes an "abomination") but get irritated when the "sinners" call them hateful?  Hmmm ... 

Here's the truth.  Both sides are slinging crap.  Left and Right.  Both sides.  Faith-based and non-faith based. BOTH SIDES.  So don't come to me with this "I'm being persecuted for my beliefs" garbage because I'm not throwing you a pity party or buying a chicken sandwich to help you feel less persecuted.

If you can dish it, you better be ready to take it.

Or you could learn to turn the other cheek.  I remember reading that somewhere before.  Maybe it was in the Bible.  Or did we forget that part when we were, you know, reading about how it is our Christian right to point out the sins of others (while ignoring our own) and condemn them/discriminate against them for who they love?

WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE CHIC-FIL-A DRAMA

I support the rights of anyone who wants to eat at Chic-Fil-A or NOT.  Doing one does not make you a better defender of free speech, religion, the Republican Party, or Jesus.  Doing the other does not make you a hate-mongering looney liberal hell bent on bringing down marriage and The Church.

This whole incident has done one thing: it has demonstrated how Satan still uses the Pharisees of self-seeking pride and desire to be "right" in order to widen the chasm of misunderstanding and keep people who need Jesus from knowing Him (and keep people who know Jesus from loving like He does).

COMMENTS

Want to comment?  Go for it but I reserve the right to moderate comments.  As the blogger I CHOOSE to limit your free speech if you are unable to enter into conversation and express yourself without being hateful, vindictive, attacking, defensive, or using offensive language/names toward me or others.

Days of Play: Wherein I Admit to Hating Bubbles

Bubbles seem like such harmless things but geeze they make a mess.  I have leather furniture and every time we blow bubbles I end up with this bubble-slick nonsense that isn't super easy to clean up. Of course they are bubbles which means the couch gets super clean but I don't always feel like cleaning the couch on a daily basis, which is about how often my kids want to play with bubbles.

In good weather I blow bubbles outside.  Problems still abound.  Like the wind blows the bubbles up too high and I can't convince my kids that I'm not in charge of the wind so they clearly think: 1.  I'm blowing the bubbles up, up, and away just to hurt their feelings and 2.  I'm in charge of the universe (I'm actually okay with this assumption except for where wind, tornadoes, and earthquakes are involved).

The other problem is that I get winded, er um, tired.  Blowing bubbles for 30 minutes is a lot ... and I'm in good shape.  I do not want a bubble machine.  Then I'd feel like a failure because what parent can't blow bubbles for their kids, I ask you?

So anyhow.

This is one of (many) places where I fail as a mom. I hate bubbles.  And I didn't even talk about the bath kind.

Then again, kids love bubbles.  I actually remember the first time I showed both my kids bubbles.  The look of wonderment was amazing.  It was like they had the whole world figured out and the BAM! I hit them with bubbles and suddenly everything was up in the air in the best way possible.  I mean they are round and floaty and rainbowy and delicate.  Bubbles are pretty amazing ... except for the part where I hate them.

Lucky for me, I found a way my kids can make bubbles that totally enthralls them, keeps the couch clean, saves my breath, and isn't affected by wind.

What you will need:

• 9x13 inch pan for each child
• water
• food coloring (optional)
• 1-2 drops dish soap
• straw

What you do:

• Put a couple of drops in each pan.
• Add food coloring.
• Add water.
• Take pan outside.
• Give your kids the straws
• Let them blow bubbles.

The end.

Finally, bubble magicalness I can handle.

Music Monday: Bombay Bicycle Club

When Matt and I were in London, I kinda loved it.  The weather is my cup of tea.  And speaking of cup of tea ... I love tea.  My grandparents were English Canadian and man could they make a mean cup of tea (if ever you can refer to tea as mean ... but I trust you know what I mean. I'm stopping now).  All of this circles me back here.

The Bombay Bicycle Club.

Yes, this is how my mind works. You should be afraid.

The Bombay Bicycle Club is an English Indie band (I'm uncertain as to whether they like tea) that I enjoy listening to on "Reagan days."  Reagan days are those cool, foggy, not exactly raining but dark days where there is so much moisture in the air you can practically drink it.  Yep, this band is good on Reagan Days.

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that my first attraction to this band came from one of the Twilight soundtracks, but it's true so there you go.

Anyhow, as I wait (impatiently) for the summer weather to give an inch and offer up more Reagan Days, I invite you to listen to The Bombay Bicycle Club and see if they deserve a spot on your iPod.


SHUFFLE



ALWAYS LIKE THIS



HOW CAN YOU SWALLOW SO MUCH SLEEP (where the obsession began and still my fave)



So, whose ready for some days that aren't 80 and sunny?

Date Night {OUT}: Seize the Carp!

Fun Fact:  When I was grossly underage I got a tattoo ... from a guy now serving prison time for killing a college-aged young lady.

Not my best decision.

But I did get a frog jumping over the words "Carpe Diem"(seize the day for those who don't like Latin.  Or Yolo if you are under 20) tattooed on my lower back.  PSA: this location is ill-advised if you are ever going to age past 20 and get anything that might slightly resemble a muffin top.

Seize the Day.

Sometimes when it comes to love, you just have to be a yes person.  You just have to seize the opportunities today.  You have to carpe the hell out of your diem.

So that is exactly what we did.

Yes, we could have had an elaborate date plan {which we often do}.

Yes we could have gone somewhere fancy for dinner or made out danced under the stars at the park.

But the carnival was in town.  So we seized an opportunity to put on our cowboy boots, drink beer, eat funnel cake, and ride the Zipper.

In the end, the best part of dating isn't being boxed in by someone else's vision of "the perfect date."  It's being able to enjoy this moment with someone so precious that every moment feels like the perfect one.

Things I Love: Aha! Moments

I love the feeling when something just clicks.

When I didn't understand something and I finally do.

When I couldn't figure out how to make something work and finally, it dawns on me how to do it.

Aha moments.  They are a fave.

When the light finally comes on, I feel pretty bright.

Now I seem to have Aha! moments a lot.  Not because I'm not smart but because I'm always trying to learn new things.  But I'm going to share a real game changer with you.

Don't ask me how I never knew this before but I didn't.  And since I've learned it, and shared the knowledge, I've learned lots of other people didn't know what I'm about to share with you either.

Here it goes.

Prepare yourself for an Aha!

You can make healthy microwave popcorn with nothing but a microwave, a brown paper sack and some popcorn.

From DAMN GOOD FOOD

Hello?  Mind blown, right?

Seriously, did you know this because I didn't until I read this post: All Natural Home Made Microwave Popcorn.

I've been making this kind of popcorn for a couple of months and now I can't figure out why anyone would pay wayyyyyy more for that preservative heavy crap (that tastes chemically amazing) at the store.

I've decided the only logical reason people pay more for the unhealthy stuff is because those people have obviously not had this popcorn AHA moment.

And now you have.

You're welcome.

What I Think About: School Supplies

On Saturday my family and I loaded up the old four wheel drive and went to Target to get school supplies.  As a former teacher and nerd d' jour, I love shopping for school supplies.  Seriously, I have to talk myself out of smiling like a fool when I see the "Back to School" shelves packed with Crayola crayons and washable markers (which, by the way, I'd like to say BRAVO to the inventor of washable markers).

Anyhow, I was at the store buying school supplies for 5 kids (because our church donates school supplies) and I heard to families in the aisle lamenting over the school supply lists.  I looked at the lists (everyone in town has the same supplies) and I was thinking, "This isn't bad" but based on what I was hearing, the fact that parents are expected to buy crayons or {{GASP}} have their children share crayons is totally unacceptable.

I did a huffy breath at them (I'm reading a lot of Junie B. Jones these days) and pranced away with my red cart brimming full of tissue boxes and post it notes but what I really wanted to say is this.

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT SCHOOL SUPPLIES!

Here is why I think we all need to stop complaining about school supplies.

1.  OUR KIDS ARE GETTING A FREE EDUCATION!

In America I think it is easy to forget education isn't a right everywhere.  Despite UN mandates that education be free and available for all children, this isn't a reality.  Education is a divine privilege.  We should celebrate that our kids can go to school and a low cost to us (don't get me started on taxes).  There are parents who do not have the good fortune to buy their children school supplies.  How lucky we are that we GET to buy our children school supplies!

2.  YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT!


Here's is my daughter's first grade supply list:

• 2 boxes of crayons
• 1 box of washable markers
• a pencil box
• 2 boxes of 24 #2 pencils
• 2 big erasers
• 2 packets post it notes
• 2 glue sticks
• 1 4 oz bottle of glue
• 2 composition books
• 1 1" binder
• 2 pocket folders
• 1 box of quart sized ziplock bags
• 2 boxes of tissue

I also bought supplies for 2, 3, 5, and 6th grade and the lists are about the same.  In total, I spent $150.  That's not bad.  And that's not the half of it.

If you feel compelled to complain about what you are spending, think about what the teacher is spending!  I'm a former teacher and let me tell you, those 48 pencils will be gone by December.  Want to know who buys the rest? The teacher.  Does it come out of some endless budget?  Nope.  It comes out of his/her own bank account.  

The same goes for glue sticks, markers, snacks, etc.  When it runs out (which happens fast when you leave a lid off a marker), parents aren't asked to buy more.  Teachers buy the items.  

Oh, and don't forget about the supplies that are just included at no additional cost to you--like books to read, inspirational posters, dry erase markers, playground equipment, SmartBoards, printer paper, construction papers, clay and other art supplies, P.E. equipment ... I know, I know, this is from our taxes.  Psh.  Our taxes don't cover half of it--just look at the uber poor inner city schools whose property taxes don't address necessities, like working toilets, let alone laptops.

3.  YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR

Nothing irks me more than people who think American education sucks.  Riddle me this: If American education sucks, why do foreign countries model their schools after ours? Why do so many come to the States for college?  It isn't because our schools suck, I'll tell you that much.

I know you've heard how poorly we do on tests compared to other countries.  (I don't buy this.  Read THE MANUFACTURED CRISIS for more information or just remember that our tests test ALL students and then compare them the results of the top 1-10% from other countries ... because everyone doesn't get an education elsewhere--see #1).  My response to this (false) claim is you get what you pay for.

Did you know that in countries, like China and India, people pay as much for education as they do for their cars and homes?  What's your home worth?  Is that what you are putting into education, including your taxes?  Not even close.  

4.  IT'S ALL RELATIVE

As I stated in #3, Americans don't spend that much on education, comparatively speaking.  In fact, we spend more money on homes, cars, food, and entertainment then we do on education.  So the next time you want to complain about spending upwards of $30-$100 on school supplies, ask yourself, are you all worked up that you spend $100/month on a cell phone (or cable)?  Do you think twice about spending $50 on a tank of gas?  How about $25 going out for lunch?  

I understand that buying supplies might seem like a lot of cash at once but when you compare it to how you are spending your money elsewhere, is it really a big deal?  And compared to going out for dinner, is it less important? 

5.  IF YOU SPEND TOO MUCH, YOU ARE PROBABLY GOING OVERBOARD

Okay, I've lived in/taught/gone to school in a few different areas and I've never seen school supply lists that include items such as:

• North Face brand fleece jacket
• Miss Me Jeans
• iPhone
• 5 pairs of new shoes (including the hottest Nikes, Converse, and Jimmy Choos)
• 7 new outfits 
• coordinating accessories including but not limited to: hats, watches, scarves, cardies, hoodies, jewelry, Coach purses, acrylic nails, etc.

I get it.  When you go back to school shopping it costs a fortune.  But is it the supplies that cost a fortune or is it you, as a parent, going overboard to get your child every vanity item he/she desires? Are you getting new backpacks and scissors every year because your child has too much pride to use the same backpack twice? Are you actually spending money on what your children want or what they need?

WHAT I THINK is that if you are feeling overwhelmed with the costs of going back to school, I would look at the items you can re-use or live without.  School supplies, in and of themselves, are not generally the culprit to budget stress but the "keeping up with the Jones family" in terms of new everything and trendy clothing might be.  How can you trim the fat (without taking it out on the teachers who are going to supply the items you don't or that run out)?

P.S.  I fully, totally, and honestly recognize that for some families, just the basic school supplies--like pencils--really do break the bank and NOT because you are budgeting poorly or partying hard but because these are hard times. To you, I apologize for the way "back to school" adds stress to your life or makes you feel like you aren't doing a good job.  You are an amazing parent.