Days of Play--Keepsake Snowy Tree Craft

I came across this picture the other day on Kaboose and loved it!

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In December I had my kids do handprint wreaths and Christmas trees.  Even so, they are growing so fast I think I'll have them made another one ... a piece of winter art that can adorn the walls until March.

Interested in making this super easy, super fun, kinda messy, but you can eat a smidgen of sugar while you make it, art project?

Click this link ---->RIGHT HERE<----- and get the directions.

{Guest Blogger} How NOT to Be Frumpy Mommy

Hello WITMIM? readers!  

My name is Natasha.  I'm a stay at home mom, living in the great white north (AKA Northern British Columbia) with my husband, daughter and dog.  I have a serious (but practical) eye for fashion.

I am so excited to be a guest blogger on WITMIM?

Being a mother is a balancing act and often, looking stylish is the last thing on a busy mom's mind.

Before my daughter was born I knew I wanted to make sure that I didn't turn into a "frumpy mommy."  

Two months after Vyla was born I started my fashion blog Required2BeInspired to give myself no other option but to dress well!  My daughter is now 15 months old, and as long as she's awake I can't get a single thing done without my house being destroyed.  

This means I have to get dressed in a hurry, or my closet will be torn apart!

I've put together three different quick outfit ideas that should work for all busy mothers using clothing pieces that most women already own.

 

This first outfit is casual wear at its finest!

Wardrobe staples:

-Plain long sleeve t-shirt

-Skinny Jeans

-Tall Boots

To keep the outfit from being boring all you have to do is add one "statement" piece (a necklace, scarf or funky belt work best--you know what Reagan says about accessories!).

This next outfit is perfect if you need to dress up, but are short on time.

Wardrobe staples:

-Neutral turtle neck

-Printed flirty skirt

- Tights to match top

-Heels or Flats

To dress up the outfit a bit more I added a statement necklace as well.

This last outfit is built around winter's best hybrid: the sweater dress!

Wardrobe staples:

-Neutral sweater dress

-Colored tights or leggings

-Boots

Give a little spice to the outfit by adding a funky scarf or a great belt.

The greatest thing about all these outfits is they all work great with heels or flats, which means you can still look great and successfully chase after your children!

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Thank you, Natasha for your guest blog submission!

 If you want more fashion tips, please check out Required2BeInspired.  One of my favorite parts of Natasha's blog are her DIY tutorials.  Love her looks but don't have the time (or desire) to craft and create?  No prob!  Just check out Natasha's etsy shop.

Things I Love--Glee

I'll admit it loud and proud.

I'm a Gleek!

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 I know the show has come under fire for not demonstrating reality in glee clubs (after all, how many glee clubs can pull off seven musical numbers in a week AND have coordinating outfits for each one?) but I still love it.

Though Glee doesn't fairly portray glee clubs the TV show does portray some pretty raw, very real life problem.

1. Teenagers are having sex and having babies. 
2. Athletics are often over-funded while the arts are under-funded.
3. Differently abled students do not receive "fair" or "equal" treatment.
4. Bullying and harassment--especially as directed toward sexual minorities--is out of control.
5. Teachers most often respond to bullying (again, especially directed to GLBTQQI) without response.  Non-intervention is a systemic problem that only exacerbates harassment.

I love that Glee is bringing up some tough issues.  I love that Glee can temper these tough issues and make them ironic.

And I really love that Glee doesn't back down.  The show has come under fire for numerous issues: drug use, teenage sex, homosexuality ... the list goes on.  But the writers and actors seem to get something: these are REAL issues and ignoring them for the past few decades hasn't exactly work.

Perhaps Glee's IN YOUR FACE approach is what I love most.

They show us our true colors.  And if we don't like what we see, then perhaps it's time for a change.  Not in channels, but in society.

What I Think About--Miley Cyrus

Oh my goodness, there is a lot of controversy surrounding Miley Cyrus, isn't there?

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The young lady dresses scantily, grinds against men old enough to be her father, and enjoys a hit on the ol' hooka bong now and then.

Kinda makes me sad and reminisce about the days when she looked like this:

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Is her progression from quirky teen to sexy woman normal or is Miss Cyrus trying to tell us something with her "Can't be Tamed" CD title?

Honestly, I think the desire to "flip" from one persona to another is a very normal, developmental change in teenagers.  I'd wager a bet that I'm not the only one who went to college hoping that the "new" Reagan would be prettier, wittier, and more fun than "high school" Reagan.  I'd even bet I'm not the only one who, when not under the microscope of Steve the "that's skirt is too short" fashion police father, tended to dress a bit sexier.  I'm probably not alone in saying that I too dabbled in parting and "hooka-ing" and grinding.

I guess what I'm saying is ya, I wish Miley Cyrus would have kept her young, innocent look but I'm not surprised that she wants to grow up.  Are you still wearing the clothes and behaving the way you did when you were eleven?  Of course not and we can't expect Miley to stay eleven forever, either.

So many moms I know are super irritated at Miley's new look because she is no longer a role model for young girls.

I take exception to this.

In order to get good role models for our daughters, we allow someone else's daughter to be thrown onto a very adult world pedestal.

We let those girls work adult hours and make adult money so that our daughters are entertained.

We sacrifice the youth and innocence of someone else's little girl because they are getting paid.

We have no problem with role model girls living adult lives as long as they look like kids but the second those role model girls become women--the second they want to rid themselves of their teenage persona and grow up, we turn on them because they no longer meet our expectations of all things good and pure. 

We lament their bad choices in hair color, boyfriends, and clothing not because we care about THEM but because of how they might affect our children.

Isn't it about time we stop and think about the ways in which our need to have role models for our children (rather than BE role models for our children) and our insatiable desire for our kids to be entertained leads to the creation of these "role model girls gone wild"?

Am I the only one pondering how the American obsession for child "role model" stars leads to those child stars being absolute messes as adults?

What I think about Miley Cyrus is that she is a beautiful and talented young woman.  I wish that she would focus on her talents and character more than her body and parties but when it comes down to it, I recognize that for the past 10 years, we've paid her to entertain us like an adult. And now she's an adult, trying to entertain us like so many adults do--with her looks and her body more than her self-worth and value.

I'll end with this, if you want a good role model for your daughter and son, I'd suggest that you put them around real, quality men and women--and that includes YOU.

Tuesday's Too Clean Tip--Stop Cleaning

My husband and I enjoy attending couple's counseling sessions.

I know counselors get a bad rap and that people who attend them are stereotypically bonkers but that's not how it is with us.  Matt and I want to make our marriage work and that means we have to work on it.  For us, having a third party help us talk over issues has been incredibly helpful.  We may never stop our couple's counseling.

Are you wondering what in the heck this has to do with cleaning?

Nothing and everything.

At our last session Matt revealed something that was eye-opening, hurtful, and convicting all at once.

He said that I'm task oriented at the expense of being people oriented.  A Martha instead of a Mary.

I've always liked things cleaned and organized and am happy to labor day in and day out to have stuff in order.  But there is a problem with that.  My husband feels like get gets the last of me.  That when there is nothing left to do at the end of the day, I'll spend time with him.  That when it comes to intimacy, I'm the pool of exhausted goo in bed that he must try to woo.

I can't even begin to explain how heartbreaking it was to hear that he often feels like he is at the bottom of my priority list.  That tasks like dishes, vacuuming, and toilet scrubbing leave him in last place.

To be honest, I feel like a collassal failure.

I've always thought I was keeping the house nice for my family.  That a hot meal when he came home made Matt feel loved.  But my family doesn't feel like I'm doing it for them.  They feel like I'm doing it for me.  And the more I think about it, the more I know THEY are right.  It is all about me.

When people comment about how clean my house is, who feels proud?  Me
When people ask me about cleaning tips who feels thankful to know the answer?  Me
When I can tell you exactly where something is because I put it there (and labeled it) who feels like she's got it all together?  Me

Cleanliness, organization, and "having it all together" are so highly esteemed in our culture.  I bought into it--hook, line, and sinker.  What's worse? I've encouraged OTHERS to buy into it too.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a well organized and clean home UNLESS the people that make the space feel like home are left in the dust (or in the newly polished furniture streaks, in my case).  That's my family.

And that's why I have a challenging New Year's Resolution: Stop cleaning.

You might be thinking "that's easy" but for me, it's not.

I actually LIKE to clean.  My urge to clean is directly connected to my self-defense mechanism (you should see me clean and organize when I'm mad or sad) and helps me "feel" like I'm in control.

Not having everything where it should be is sort of like asking me to run a naked 5K.  It's gonna be hard and it's not going to be pretty.

Cleaning and organizing are my idols.  And they can't be.

On 1/1/11 I vowed to pick charades over cleaning,  love over laundry, and making memories over making dinner.

Of course I'll still clean my house and make dinner but in moderation because my baseboards won't care if they don't get wiped down this month but my kids and my husband will care that I spend more time with them than with my dust bunnies.

You Say It's Your Birthday ...

Na na na na na na

It's my {blog's} birthday too, ya!

Where is the ME in Mommy? is officially one year old.  WaHoo!

Ah, such sweet memories.

As I reminisce over this blog I am forced to remember why I started it. What was my vision?  My mission?  My goals?  Have I stuck to them?

{GULP}

This is NOT where I tell you that this is my last post and that as of now, Where is the ME in Mommy? is no longer a functional blog.

This IS where I confess a few things about blogging.

1.  I started a blog because I was struggling with balancing all of my identities and wanted to be a part of a community of women struggling with the same issues.  Perhaps we could encourage one another.  Perhaps not feeling alone would be enough to help us not pull out our hair.

Today, I'm not sure I'm meeting that goal.  I never do anything "half way" so I really feel like I have to post something everyday.  So I came up with a schedule of "things" to help organize my thoughts and get something written. Everyday.

But then I stopped writing because I longed for encouragement and community and started writing because it was on my "to do" list.  That's not who I want to be or what I want this blog to be.

2.  When I started blogging I had no idea about the "niche" blog concept.  Niche blogs focus on one main topic and dabble in smaller topics.  For example, a fashion blog deals with fashion but might extend into decorating and arts.

Suffice it to say having a blog about balancing the roles of women isn't exactly a niche. It's a "jack of all trades" approach.  Most people say this approach won't work--that if you cover too much you won't have an audience.  So I tried *really* hard to limit what I wrote about.  This helped organize my days of writing: cleaning, opinions, dates, play ideas ...

What I've come to realize is that even focusing my main topics into a few areas really isn't what this blog is about.  How do you break down topics surrounding women, wifehood, and motherhood into one or two simple "niche" topics?  Isn't that the problem?  We try to limit women to a few areas at the expense of others.  Why can't I share the wide variety of my thoughts and struggles mixing issues of faith with fashion with funny stories about poop?  Isn't that what "finding the balance" really looks like?

Yes, I like fashion, but I like more than fashion.  Yes, I love my kids but I'm interested in more than my kids.  Yes, I love to cook but I like more than cooking.  Why then must I limit myself and my blog to certain "niche" topics?

Plus, when it all comes down to it, even "niche" blogs have limits too.  I mean, book review blogs or celeb gossip blogs only draw the attention of people LOOKING for those topics.  So maybe no one will come to my blog since it isn't solely focused on crafts.  If that's the worst that will happen, I'll take it!

3.  Followers are addicting.  Early on I was watching my stats page like a crazy person and rejoicing each time I had a new follower.  Of course this means I was practically distraught on days with fewer than a hundred looksies and I can't even begin to explain the trauma behind being "un-followed".

Sigh.

I wish I didn't want to be like so much.  But I'm human and I do.  The question is, at what cost?  Do I want to be liked at the cost of foregoing my mission, vision, and values?

I guess the reason I'm writing this is to say, I'm going to keep blogging ... MY WAY.

It might not be everyday but I'm going to keep it up.

I'm going to stop "forcing" topics because they are on the "To Do" list.  This means you may not see many cleaning/organizing posts.  It means you might not see a post on Tuesday (because something awesome is in the works for Friday).

I am going to keep my priorities straight.  I'm passionate about women being opinionated (and educated) so you can expect me to keep writing "What I Think About" posts.  I am passionate about dating your husband and spending INTENTIONAL play time with your kids so you'll see posts on that too.

Other than that, I can't tell you what 2011 will look like for Where is the ME in Mommy?

And I kinda like how that feels.

Days of Play--Snowflakes

For M.E.'s first birthday we transformed our house into a winter wonderland.

You might think I did this so her special day was magical.

Truth is, I LOVE making snowflakes.

Last Tuesday I taught M.E. how to make snowflake cut-outs.

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If you want a quick, fun, festive craft idea then break out the white paper, silver glitter, and scissors and whip up some snowflakes.

Need some inspiration?

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Simple instructions 

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3D Snowflake directions (I made a TON of these for M.E.'s party!)

Fashion Friday: Faux Fur Vest {Giveaway}

Hello and welcome to all The Dating Diva readers!

I'm Reagan, the label-maker lovin', OAMC cookin', game playin', sexy date plannin' woman/wife/mom behind Where is the ME in Mommy?.  

Something I really love is striving to NOT look like a mom. No mom jeans or mom butt on this woman!  To celebrate fashion loving women everywhere, I'm giving away a one-of-a-kind faux fur vest!

Look carefully at the following celebrity fashions.



Now, what is the common thread?

Faux Fur Vests of course!

Faux fur vests are kinda the "in" thing right now and luckily the trend fits any budget.

Wearing a faux fur vest is easy!

rolled jeans + T shirt + vest + flats + bold accessory = Effortless Style

Tees by Forever 21
Flats by Mossimo

Chambray dress + boots + vest + necklace = Casually Confident

Day Dresses by Old Navy
Boots by Mossimo

Breezy dress + boots + vest + bangles + ring = Boho Fun

Day Dresses by Charlotte Russe
Boots by Charlotte Russe

Skinny jeans + long sleeved T + bold necklace + vest = Cool and collected

Tees by Mossimo
Boots by Mossimo

Have I tempted you into desiring a faux fur vest?

To celebrate the launching of the all new The Dating Divas website, I'm giving away a faux fur vest!

Winner of this giveaway will receive a faux fur vest similar to the one below (color/pattern may vary from the photo).

Wanna throw your name in the hat?

Here's how:

Head to THE DATING DIVAS and follow directions there.

And while you are at it, take a stroll through their blog and plan a hot date for your special lovey!

{Guest Blogger} Things I Love--Responsibility Chart

Welcome to today's guest blogger, Sarah!

Sarah is from the South and loves to cook.  She's the cookin' cutie behind Frontier Kitchen.  I may have mentioned a few thousand times how much I love her cooking and trust me, I'm not making this up.  I. Love. Her. Cooking. 

Though Sarah is one of my BFFs (which is why we can double date and do Twilight stuff together), I'm pretty sure my tummy/muffin top/thighs are convinced she's the devil incarnate.  Check out her blog. You'll understand.

Anyhow, big huge THANK YOU to Sarah for contributing to this week's "Things I Love ..."

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I haven't met a mom who doesn't love Melissa & Doug products. They're fantastic, durable and classic.

One of my favorite products of theirs is the Responsibility Chart.

I have an earlier version of this one for my daughter. My mom had bought two for my younger brothers over ten years ago and thoughtfully sent one of the charts to us last year for Lillian to use.

I love how these are magnetic so you can adjust it each month for the responsibilities you want your child to work on depending on their age or skills you want them to learn. Right now my daughter's has: get dressed, put away toys, set the table, stay dry, no whining, help mom, and take care of pets.

I love how all the responsibility magnets have pictures of what needs to be done along with the words for them. This is not only good for children who can't read yet, but it also helps them understand that words have specific meanings by routinely seeing them used together.

I love that you can work with your child to set goals to keep them motivated to work on their responsibilities. So with my three-year-old, I set rewards up (getting ice cream, buying a small toy/book, an hour at Chuck E Cheese, etc) and also use words of encouragement. This appeals to the strong extrinsic motivation all young children have and also nurtures their development towards intrinsic motivation. 

What system do you have to encourage responsibility in your children?

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Want to know where else you can catch Sarah?  She's on The Dating Divas today and is giving away a necklace and ear ring set. Do you want to know more?  Click here!

{Guest Blogger} What I Think About: What it Means to be a Woman

A big Wyoming welcome to Pam, our guest blogger of the day.  Pam is the U.K. blogger behind  Geek Chic.  I "met" Pam through the 30/30 challenge and instantly became a follower because of her staple belief.

Pam states, "I firmly believe a woman can never have too many boots."

Sign me up for that!

Anyhow, Pam followed WITMIM? back--a somewhat "weird" follower in that she is not a wife or a mom.  And yet her submission of this guest blog just really spoke to my heart.  She isn't a part of the secret society of women with rugrats and diamond rings but she is still trying to find that balance of what it means to be a woman. 

If you read nothing else today, read this and ponder.  (Oh, and giggle at the slight language differences.  Even in print I LOVE an English accent! Ha!)

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There’s really no need to say that now being a woman is more difficult than it ever was.  It’s not just about beauty magazines either.  Everyone has a say in what it means to be a woman and this 25 year old is getting really peeved by all the contradictory information. 

We’re supposed to be powerful yet nurturing, slim yet curvy, smart yet not too smart, stay at home Mum’s who go to work too. The media tells us that they love natural looking women whilst advertising hair colours only imagined by sugar high pixies and bright red lipstick and then they tell us that natural beauty involves a lot of mascara and giant eyelashes. 

 It’s crazy and it’s really no wonder than teenagers are so confused.

I’m a few years past my teenage years and yet I keep being told I’m not a woman. I’m unmarried and don’t have children so I’ve not lived enough to be a woman. With marriage and children comes an invite into the sacred group known as women. But of course, if I pout and throw a hissy fit I’m told “You’re a grown woman, act like it” somehow I’m not even sure how to be a woman anymore.

Sex in the City promotes promiscuity and feminists tell us this is okay because we’ve reached a time of sexual freedom, but what if I don’t want to throw myself at every good looking man I see? Is it really so difficult to imagine that actually being in love is more important than the perfect orgasm?

I find it so hard to imagine what I’m going to do when I get married and maybe have a kid. I believe I can be a good Mum whilst working and my government backs me up but at the same time there is a lot of public pressure concerning children who didn’t have a stay at home mum...apparently they’re all delinquents. I doubt that but what do I know? I’m just a kid still. 

So what is a woman? I know women who are innocent and some who are not. I know strong women and weak women, women who love men and women who don’t. I know Mum’s and Gran’s and Aunts and Cousins, women who have been in the army and women who are fighting essay deadlines and exam stress. Is it fair to say that a woman must be strong? That excludes a lot of women. What about those who are smart? I was once told to get a man I needed to dumb myself down. Clearly I ignored that advice; I found a man who loves me for who I am not who people think I should be.

When you’re young people tell you that you can’t be in love. After all you’re young, what do you know about love? I still get told that but there are women younger than me who are married and have children (some don’t but they still have a ring that gives their love validity) does that mean their love isn’t genuine? No, it doesn’t. Somehow an engagement ring and a wedding band means that they are serious about their love whereas not having these things means you will sit there and smile when people make assumptions that you’ll break up soon. It’s madness yet because I’m “young” it’s okay for people to assume I don’t know a thing about love. 

Maybe one day I’ll figure it out. Who knows but somehow I doubt that’ll be the day I get married or give birth. Perhaps I’ve already figured it out, at least until the next advert tells me I haven’t.

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Did you know that THE DATING DIVAS launched a new site and are hosting some awesome giveaways this week?  Necklaces, earrings, subscriptions, marriage calendars, faux fur vests ... you better check it out!  Click here

{Guest Blogger} The Reason Behind The Happy Dance

A big WITMIM? welcome to guest blogger Deanna. I "met" Deanna through the 30/30 challenge and she's offered to do a post for me while I'm in Mexico! (Do you get the feeling I'm rubbing it in? No, well how's this? I'm in Mexico. Na na na na na!) Just kidding ;)

Anyhow, please look at beautiful Miss Deanna and read all about WHY she's doing a happy dance ... digitally captured and shared online!

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Purple Necklace – Jewelscapes Full Bodied Vino Necklace – Amethyst stones, Agate Stones, 44 inches long
Earrings – Jewelscapes Amethyst Daggers Earrings
Yellow Necklace – Jewelscapes Liquid Sunshine Necklace
Ring – Jewelscapes New Jade Stone Wire Wrapped ONe Size Fits All Ring
All Jewelscapes jewelry is handmade by me and available at http://www.jewelscapes.etsy.com/
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Hello!  First of all I want to thank  http://whereisthemeinmommy.blogspot.com/  for the opportunity to be on her great blog!

I'm Deanna and I am  the 34 years young Jewelscapes jewelry designer and creator,  photographer of myself and my creations, mama of 3 rascally kids who’s names I change for blog land (Sunshine – 13 years old///L man – 7 years old///Little S – 3 years old), wife of a hardworkin man, and I daily share jewelry and outfit coordinating ideas at my blog http://www.jewelscapes.blogspot.com/ !

This outfit and jewelery coordination was for a little luncheon I threw for some girlfriends! Woo Hoo!

When you are the mama of 3 kids and work from home, making time to hang out with a group of your girlfriends doesn’t happen as often as you’d like, so I was pretty excited about it.

That’s why I’m doing a little happy dance in those photos!

We had a great time visiting, exchanging advice, making baby shower invitations for another friends baby shower, eating, and sipping some tasty drinks!

This occasion seemed to call for the comfort of a soft sweater,  lots of fun colors, and necklaces that swing, sway and  glimmer! Fun fun fun!!!

What do you think? If you are a mom, how often do you end up getting together with your girlfriends?  

Although I get together for lunch or a movie with one girlfriend at a time every once in a while, it’s been about a year since a whole group of us got together to hang out!  

What do you do when you get together, chill out at one of your homes or go out somewhere?
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Hello fellow bloggers! Do you have some of my handmade Jewelscapes Jewelry marked in your etsy favorites? Would you like 20% off of the next item you purchase at Jewelscapes.etsy?  I would love to give it to you too!
I have just created a NEW Jewelscapes.etsy button in my sidebar, it links people to my etsy shop not to this blog. All you have to do is copy the code below the "Handmade and Vintage Jewelry/ jewelscapes.etsy.com picture" in my sidebar, add it to your sidebar,  and leave it there for 30 days. As soon as you put it in your sidebar and let me know about it in a comment here, the next item you purchase at jewelscapes.etsy will be 20% off for you!  (just mention this offer in your etsy message to seller at checkout and I refund your Paypal!)
Thank you so much. It is a joy to know you all and I hope to help each other too!
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my shops -
http://www.jewelscapes.etsy.com/
http://www.jewelscapesvintage.etsy.com/
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Did you know that THE DATING DIVAS launched a new site and are hosting some awesome giveaways this week?  Necklaces, earrings, subscriptions, marriage calendars, faux fur vests ... you better check it out!  Click here

Days of Play--Snow Scream

Happy 2011 to you.  And if you are a number person, happy 1/1/11!

I'm a dreary weather person who likes the cold too.

None of this explains why I'm gearing up to head to Cozumel on Monday (except that I also LOVE to scuba dive and you can't do that in WY).

We've had unseasonably warm weather in WY this year so snow has been hard to come by.  Lucky me, though, we just had some serious winter weather.

To celebrate the onslaught of flakes, I put a big clean bowl on the deck.

Why?

To make Snow-Scream!

What?

Ice cream made out of snow.  Basically this give adults an excuse to eat snow.

If you have snow, I encourage you to make snow-scream today.

Okay, okay--it's NOT as good as the stuff with cream and sugar but it's fun (dare I say magical) to make and I think since it's made of snow you could count it as an organic health food {wink}

What you'll need:

1 BIG bowl of snow (it compacts so you need a lot of snow--a gallon is about right).
1 cup of white sugar
1-2 cups of milk
vanilla or chocolate powder (to desired taste).

What to do:

1. Get a bowl full of snow and stir in the sugar.
2. Add in milk (any percent but the thicker--2%, whole, whipping cream--the creamier the taste) until the ice cream is the right consistency. (We like ours more like soft-serve than slushy).
3. Add in flavoring.  We've done chocolate powder or vanilla but you could experiment with cherry or peppermint flavoring.
4. Put in a bowl.
5. Eat with your mittens on.

Fashion Friday--New Year's Eve Guide

Do you have New Year's Eve plans?

Do you know what you are wearing for those plans?

Whether you are going out or staying in, this is a great occasion to shop your closet!

Here are three formulas that will cover your New Year's Eve plans.

Staying home or going to a causal get together?  Try this sweater and jeans formula.

One sweater + one BOLD necklace + skinny jeans/cords + boots + bag= ready to go (or stay--your call).

Skinny Denim by Forever 21
Boots by Old Navy

Maybe you're heading to a party that calls for a edgy-prepster look.

Embellished top + vest/blazer + necklace + skinny pants + heels=ready to party--like a sophisticate

Skinny Denim by Gap
Boots by Charlotte Russe

Perhaps yours is the sort of affair that necessitates your little black dress.

LBD + notice-me-necklace/bracelet + pop of color heels + clutch + outerwear = On your way!

Black Dresses by Ann Taylor
Boots by Charlotte Russe

Of course you could opt for PJs! 

Remember that I'm showing you clothing options NOT so you go buy, but so you go LOOK in your closet. I'm guessing you have a sweater or tank or heels that would be perfect. Go. Play. Enjoy.

Happy New Year!

Things I Love--Reminicing

Every now and then Matt gets pretty reminiscent about life, especially when it comes to time with our kids.

One day not so long ago he was listening to OURS by The Bravery and it got him thinking about the time that is ours ... and how quickly it passes.

So he created this slide show documenting our family in the year of 2010.

Happy New Year!

What I Think About: Reward Systems

Have you ever asked a child to do something (clean her room, pick up his toys, put a plate in the dishwasher) and the child responds with "What will you give me for doing it?"

Have you have a conversation about "these kids today" and how "ungrateful and unmotivated" they are?

Have you ever wondered where these kids learned it?

{GULP}

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Reward systems are pretty widely used by parents and educators alike.

I see it in classrooms all the time.  Well intentioned teachers use a token of some sort to bribe  manipulate encourage kids into good behavior.  If everyone does well, you get a pizza party. If you turn in your homework you get a star.  If you get three stars, you can buy a pencil.

Educators do this because of "real world" applications.  When I perform at work, I get paid.

The problem is that most reward systems work for kids who wouldn't need the system in the first place.

The "good" kids rack up points/stars/tickets/smiley faces and are able to "buy" pencils, sleepovers, and IPods.

Meanwhile, the "bad" kids lose their tickets/points/stars/smiley faces and as a result, feel angry, hurt, humiliated, and hopeless. And if they are in the hole, why not act out more since there's nothing to lose?

And this happens in the real world too.

The "good" hard workers get the "good" jobs with good pay.  The "bad" workers don't. (Of course we won't let discussion about systemic injustices in poverty, education, etc., play into these conversations ...)

As a parent and an educator I have used reward systems sparingly, a few times.  Mainly I used them for a brief period to encourage specific behavior.  In the classroom, I used rewards to get through the last two weeks of school (because kids check out and "stop" school mentally by then).  In my home, I used a reward system during potty training.

And that is it.

Why?

I do not want children, mine or anyone else's, to blindly "behave" in order to get or not get something (because I feel the same way about demerit systems as I do reward systems).

I don't want kids to clean their desks/lockers/rooms because they are going to get a pencil; I want them to do it because they were asked to do it--because it's the "right" thing to do.

Obedience is a high expectation and I think too often we sell our kids short by assuming they HAVE to have some sort of immediate, tangible reward in order to do what is right.

What I fear is that kids become so accustomed to getting something in return for good behavior that they stop doing things because it's the "right thing to do" and do it because they'll get something in return.

And then adults complain about a generation of entitled brats.

It is an inconvenient truth that reward systems have been the subject of much research and such research demonstrates that though reward systems can be temporarily effective, in the long run, such systems result in lowered intrinsic motivation (I'll plug one of my favorite books here: Punished by rewards: The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A's, praise, and other bribes. by Alfie Kohn).

A lot of people have had the experience of having done something and they loved it—until they started to get paid for doing it, after which they wouldn't dream of doing it again without getting paid. The phenomenon whereby extrinsic motivators cause intrinsic motivation to evaporate is not on the tips of our tongues, but it's not that far from consciousness, either. (click here to read this interview)

You won't see charts or graphs at my house.  You won't hear me bribing M.E. to clean her room with promises of a toy from the dollar store. You will hear expectations for her being spoken loudly and clearly. And you'll see me model it.

I want my children to understand that, socially, there are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and actions.  I want them to learn to do what is right for right's sake.  Not because I gave them a gold sticker.

Reward systems?  Not at my house.

Photo Source

A Monday Tune to Get Stuck in Your Head

A lot of people get post-Christmas blues.

If that's you then this song if for you.

It totally crack me up!

It gets "awesomer" with every viewing :)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Dear beloved friends and readers,

This is my favorite Christmas song of all time.

May it convey all I hope for you this Christmas season.





Merry Christmas,
Reagan

Fashion Friday--Holiday Colors

Every year winter brings with it holiday colors.

This year, those colors are white, berry, and gold.

I'm all over it!

Are you dreaming of a WHITE Christmas?

Cardigans by Old Navy
Rings by Forever 21

Berry Christmas to you!

Crewnecks & Scoopnecks by Forever 21
Necklaces by Old Navy

GOLD, incense and myrrh

Shortsleeve Tops by Eddie Bauer
Platforms by Mossimo

I'm always posting stuff you can buy now at stores like Gap, Old Navy, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, etc., but don't forget you can find great stuff at second hand places, like Plato's Closet and Goodwill. I got a great gold belt at our local Goodwill for $1! YAY!

{Holiday} Things I Love--Traditions

My favorite part of the holiday season are the traditions.

I love that we do a big fancy-schmancy dinner on Christmas Eve and something low-key Christmas Day so I can enjoy time with my family and not my kitchen appliances.

I love that we eat the same coffee cake for breakfast every Christmas morning. 

I love that we sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus before we eat that cake.

I love that we don't *have* to open presents first thing.

I love that we sit around an pajama clad audience and slowly open gifts--sharing what we received and thanking the giver.

I love that we go outside and worship in God's creation.

I love that we host an annual Christmas party and cookie swap.

I love that we act out the Nativity story with Little People.

These are little things--very little things--but to me, this is what makes this holiday season such a blessing.

What I Think About--Santa

Not so long ago I gave you my schpeel on why I struggle so much with Christmas.

In that post I also told you that we don't teach our kids about Santa.  I received a couple of comments/e-mails about this decision.  A couple were very supportive but a few others pretty much berated me as the worst mom ever since I'm "ruining" my kids' childhood fun.

I decided to take today to explain why we don't do Santa.

First let me say that I think this is a heart issue, not a salvation issue.  I don't think anyone's going to hell in a handbag for celebrating Christmas with Santa or without him.  Santa is not right for my family; my sister's family does Santa--we parent differently in many areas and this is one of them.  On issues such as these, it is okay to disagree agreeably.

Next, you must know I have a Santa collection.  I don't have a ton of them but it started with this ironing board Santa my mom and I made in '94 and has grown. If you came to my house you will see Santa Claus.  However, you won't see us celebrating him, singing about him, or telling stories about him.

Here's why.

This poster has been floating around for a while and it pretty much sums up my point of view:

 

 

Photo Source

In case you can't read it, the poster says: Dear Children: One day you will learn everything about Santa Claus.  On that day remember everything the adults have told you about Jesus.

Whether we like it or not, many people think Jesus is a lie just like Santa is a lie.  A nice lie.  A fun lie.  A lie of hope.  But still a lie.

My problem is that I don't believe that Jesus is a lie.

And I don't want my children to think Jesus is a lie, either. 

If you are critical like I am, you've probably noticed that Santa has some pretty god-like characteristics.  He's  all-knowing; he is everywhere; he has the power to put kids on the nice or naughty list. 

My problem with this some of the hidden agenda here. 

• Kids get what they want if they are good (enter discussion on saved by faith v. saved by works here). 
• Kids "obey" because they are afraid of "not" getting what they want as opposed to obeying for the sake of learning, with their hearts and character, what is right.
• Kids learn that seeing is believing.  They can believe in Santa because he is everywhere--at the mall, at the YMCA, in Church ...

Is it any wonder that when kids learn the truth about Santa--that he's not real, that he's not omnipotent, that he's not omniscient, they begin to question these truths about Jesus as well?

I never want my children to have this conversation:

One boy asks the other, "What do you think of all this Jesus Christ stuff"? And the other boy replies, "It all sounds like another Santa Claus to me – probably just another lie."

I know some people say that Santa is needed for good imagination and that it's just fantasy. 

That may be a fine point but the problem is that kids don't KNOW that Santa is fantasy and so they idealize and love and worship something that is. a. lie. 

Furthermore, my daughter has a fabulous imagination.  She has imaginary wolf and fox friends.  She drives laundry basket cars and goes shark diving in the bathtub.  And she's done it all without Santa.

I don't need Santa to make Christmas fun and festive.  I don't need Santa to help me raise/discipline my children.  I don't need Santa to increase my children's imagination.

I need Jesus.

He is who I celebrate at Christmas.  He is the one who guides me on my parenting roller-coaster.  He is the giver of ideas.

That's why I personally feel like it is wrong for Matt and I to stress Santa Claus at the expense of talking about Jesus during Christmas. If we don’t make it a point at Christmas to tell our children about the significant birth of Christ, we are missing an incredible opportunity.  If we lie to get our children to believe in Santa while telling them about Jesus, then we set ourselves up for having to explain later on why we lied about Santa while hoping they'll trust us when we say Jesus is real.

What I think about Santa is that involving him in your holiday celebrations is your decision.  My decision is to ignore the charming little story in lieu of what I believe is the truth: JESUS.

(If you are interested in a lengthy, biblical analysis of Santa in culture, click here)