Tuesday, June 29, 2010

To Do Tuesday--Make Your Butt Look Smaller

There are seven words that make men shrivel up into raisins.

You are guilty of saying them.  Admit it.

Say it with me.

Does this make my butt look fat?

If you've said this to your husband, lately or ever, take a few minutes today to rid yourself of FOUR of the issues that make your butt look bigger.  Of course if you actually want your butt to be smaller, and not just appear smaller, I suggest diet and exercise.  Doctors have been recommending it for years!

Get rid of high waisted pants.
  • High waists cling to the width of your bum while accentuating the length. All this means is high waistbands make your arse look like a football field.  (P.S.  Those high pants don't cover up tummy flab either. They just make you look like you have a front butt.  Not awesome.  Don't pull up to cover up!)
  • If you have a pair (or many pairs) of these jeans, it's time to say adios! 
  • Replace your mom-jeans with some hipsters to half the size of your bum in no time. (Something 1 inch below your belly button will suffice but if you can go a bit lower, do it!).  
  • Remember not to go too low or all you'll do is switch mom butt for muffin top.

Friends don't let friends have mom butt (or mom jeans).

Get rid of pants that have words on the derrière.
  • Here's a news flash but if you don't want to draw attention to your backside, it's probably best not to advertise on it.
  • Even if it is Juicy, do you really want everyone to notice it?
  • This goes double for other cute "look at my butt" words like: PINK, Sexy, and Baby (because sweetie, if that thing looks like there's a baby under there you shouldn't brag about it!).
  • If you have pants with words on the butt, wear them when you are sick.  Wear them to bed.  Wear them to mop the floor.  Don't wear them out in public and then wonder if they make your butt look big.  They do. (There.  I said it!  Now leave your husband alone).
Did people miss Clinton Kelly's diatribe on the casualization of America?  
Pajamas are for bedtime, people!
 
Stay away from skinny jeans.
  • Alas, one more trend that celebrates anorexia.  If you have a large bum, it is best to steer clear of skinny jeans because the lack of volume at your feet makes your tush look tremendous.
  • Love the look? Then you'll love this caveat.  If you have bigger bum just even out your skinny jean proportions by tucking them into chunky, high-heeled boots.
Not that these gals need help, but you see how the boots even out the bum?

Avoid excess bulk below the belt.
  • Layers are hot.  Cardigans are hot.  Purposely wearing thirteen shirts in hopes of hiding your butt is not hot.
  • Adding more layers to your bum region just makes it look thicker.  Thick does not equal small.
  • Choosing tops that cover your waistband is smart.  Stay away from short shirts.
  • If you want to wear a longer shirt, make it well-fitted and a thin fabric.  
  • Repeat after me.  The less bulk the better.
Is this look on or off?


Know what you can wear to make your butt look like a million bucks!
  • Dark colors on bottom are key.  
  • Don't wear jeans that are distressed on your butt.  It draws attention there.  This goes for  "look at me" pockets, too.
  • For jeans, get a great pair of wide-legged jeans or boot cut jeans.  Both help with proportions.
  • Wear low slung belts to make your bum look smaller and higher.
  • Have clothing hug your body--not cling to it.  
  • Wear A-Line skirts (it's all about proportions!).
  • Accentuate another part of your body to take the focus off your tush.  Wear a bold statement necklace, a top with interest, a low-cut top if the girls are worth showing off a bit ...
Go!  

4 comments:

  1. Oh how I wish every woman in America would read this! I see a lot of women that have a curvy firgure like mine wearing skinny jeans with something like ballet flats. Oh. No. You. Didn't. Honey, you cannot pull that off.. trust me.. I know.. I live in that body, too. The day I discovered wider leg jeans my world turned upside down! Also, my most flattering pair of jeans EVAH have a "band" effect at the top..a thick one. Just a slight boot cut... I look so friggin skinny in those! My butt is totally hot b/c of the band and lower rise. I need to find another pair that's similar!

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  2. This post made me laugh! I enjoyed it!

    So...being vulnerable here...what if you have NO BUTT at all. Seriously! If I could take my stomache & put it in my rear I would be totally set! This always makes finding jeans an issue because for the size waist I need...there is nothing to hold them up in back.

    Haha. I dont' expect you to have an answer for my misproportioned body. But since we are talking about it...I'd just add another issue that some women have to deal with.

    Thanks for addressing the writing on the butt issue. I hate that! :)

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  3. Heck yes!

    I've decided skinny jeans look best if you're petite in both height and weight. Ergo, I've never so much as tried on a pair. :)

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  4. @Mandy--I hear you. Though I do skinnies with boots!

    @Shelley--There are exercises that can make you have a bum. I'll do some lookin'.

    @Sarah--Too funny!

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