I still love my husband.
Not for what he did or didn't give me (and we focus on the didn't gives at our house); not for dates we've gone on (or may go on soon).
I still love my husband for who he is--my perfect provision.
This journey of learning what Love is and how I can better give and receive love has been exhausting.
Don't get me wrong, it's been totally beneficial. Reflecting, journaling, reading The Word, and praying have done wonders for me.
But it's come at a cost--namely that I realized how far I have to go.
When it comes to love, I'm not good at giving it unconditionally. I'm quick to hold grudges, slow to forgive, and quick to distrust.
I'm not good at receiving love without cynicism. I distrust the motives of people; I'm waiting to be let down.
Examining my heart and letting it affect my actions for 15 days has altered the way I look at myself and my family.
Most importantly, it's altered--possibly forever--what Love is.
Don't be too hard on yourself, after all didn't God create you with these flaws so you would be individual and have something to learn to love or change. You are who you are and I am certain that any gods out there love you for that.
ReplyDeleteYour readers certainly do *hugs*