Ah Facebook. I love hating you. Or maybe I hate loving you. It's so hard to tell.
Watch this. It's important. And it's from Easy A--a movie I big fat love!
I took a Facebook break during the season of Advent and it was amazing. I never knew I would miss Facebook so little. On the other hand, once I joined and stalked all my friends' pages, I realized how much I missed. What's a girl to do?
Real Simple did a whole spread on Facebook in their January 2012 issue. It was great to see all the reasons why people hate Facebook. And yet, we're still logging in. As for me, I'm still logging in because it keeps me connected to a community of people I actually talk to; I don't want to miss out on that. But I'm also logging in less because, as luck would have it, I can talk to these people on my iPhone and e-mail without all the irritating updates.
As a point of comedic relief, here are the top 10 updates I hate seeing on Facebook (which is precisely why I log in less):
1. The "I'm digging for you to ask me about it" bragging update.
**I just got the best present!
**Test driving a new car!
This update can also read like like:
The "I'm digging for you to ask me about it" sympathy update.
**Could this day get any worse?
2. The "I will shove my religion down your throat" update.
** I just finished day 12 of the How to Parent a Christian child book and I feel so bad that all the rest of your children are going to hell. But for mine, I'm going to discipline them and support their decisions.
**Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church.
3. The "Clearly Facebook is my agenda book so I will write my to do list on here so every one knows how busy and important I am" update.
**Today I'm going to eat breakfast, workout, read the newspaper, drive to Denver, eat at Old Chicago's, and buy a blue shirt."
**First I'm going to work out then I'll pick up the dry cleaning, and then I'll go tanning.
4. The "Facebook users must know what I'm eating" update
**Tonight I'm making crescent rolled hot dogs with orange jello for dinner.
**Going out to Chili's for nachos! Boom!
This is more irritating when it's a normal meal. If you are making Scallops Saint Jaques, brag. Hot dogs--keep it to yourself!). Oh, and pictures of food? Seriously, if you aren't a food blogger WE DON'T CARE!
5. The "If you aren't in my political party you are clearly an idiot" update.
**Michelle Bachman is a witch!
**Don't bitch to me about the President. I voted for the American.
6. The "I know this is painfully obvious but I'm going to say it anyway" update.
**It is so cold outside!
**The Broncos won! The Broncos won!
Thanks for the update folks but I have windows to see the weather and sports center to check scores. Move on.
7. The "I'm not clever enough to come up with my own status so I'll use a status update tool or post a photo with some lame, misspelled quotation on it" update
**Reagan is poking you with a spork.
9. The habitual "Oh dear God I am so in love with this man" update.
(NOTE: complimenting your spouse or saying "I love you" every now and then is cute. Doing it daily is irritating. Use walls for that--not status updates.)
**My husband is the most magnificent man in the world! I love him with all the lovely lovey loveness that I have! And his arse ain't bad either.
**My beautiful bride brought me powdered donuts in bed. I am so in love with the donut deliverer!
10. The "I don't have a journal so I'll use Facebook" update.
**I'm at my wit's end! Seriously, the dog puked on the carpet, the kids drew on the walls with permanent markers, and my Mother-in-law just chewed me out for typing in the address bar of her computer!"
**Last night I put on my swanky black thigh highs and slutty lingerie and did things to Dale that made the neighbors call the cops!
What I think is Facebook can be fun. And irritating. It's a love hate relationship. Darn it!
Share your best/worst facebook pet peeves or status updates. Or if you need to, confess to the above and resolve to STOP doing it!
Thank you to Shell at Things I Can't Say for letting me Pour My Heart Out. It's been a long six months.