Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What I Think About--Christian Nymphos



Bet that title caught your eye, eh?

Am I the only one who, as a Christian woman, gets mixed messages about sex?

I mean, what little I hear about sex in church is generally related to the "thou shalt nots." Thou shalt not have sex until married. And thou shalt not have sex with the lights on.  Thou shalt not have sex in any position except man on top.

All these "shalt nots" really have me so bound up I feel like I'm trapped in a prison called sexuality.

Is this how God intended me to feel about this gift He calls sex? 

I instantly want to say "NO!" yet I've never heard a group of Christian women sitting around in complete freedom discussing how sexy they feel with their husbands or how free they feel in celebrating their sexuality with their spouses.

For something that's supposed to be divine gift, Christians are pretty tight-lipped.

In a culture of rampant promiscuity, pornography and erotica, I sort of feel that because I'm a Christian I'm supposed to not talk about sex--not think about sex--not experiment with sex--not enjoy sex. The result--sometimes I feel like sex is more of a burden than a gift.

When I read through scripture there are definite references to "thou shalt nots" but have you ever read Song of Solomon?  I mean, that book is ripe with imagery of woman who dances in the freedom of her nude body before her husband; a woman who fully and sexually gives herself to her man; a man and wife who experiments with sexual positions.  She is sexually free to enjoy her husband.

That feels to me more like what sex should be like--the "thou shalls" instead of just the "thou shall nots".

Even though I'm trying to work through this "sexual awakening" where I become more confident with myself, more willing to give myself to my husband, I get "stuck" sometimes.  And where does a Christian woman turn when she needs advice and encouragement about sex?

From my experience it hasn't been the church--it hasn't even been close, Christian friends; thus, I've turned to the internet.

Of course there are all sorts of taboo things on the internet so I was diligent in doing "healthy" searches.  And I came across this site: Christian Nymphos 

The name "Christian Nymphos" is not meant to offend. "Nympho" is a term attributed to a woman with an abnormal desire for sex.  According to The Christian Nymphos, a Christian woman who wants to enjoy sex, talk about sex, experiment with sex and be passionate about sex is very often abnormal in her circle of friends.

The Christian women who run this blog, a few with pastors as husbands, are passionate women who want to teach women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands.

From what I've seen of the site (and at this point I may have seen everything), The Christian Nymphos aren't afraid to tackle "taboo" topics such as oral sex, anal sex, foreplay, and sex toys.  They answer questions honestly, directly, bluntly and with scripture.

Honestly when I found this site, I was shocked at the content.

It made me uncomfortable.

However, I forced myself to read a few of their articles like How to Have a Sexual Awakening, Correcting Wrong Thinking About Sex, and 10 Ways to Embrace the Sexy Wife God Made You To Be.

While many articles address women who are struggling with their sexuality, many more addressed women who are living with husbands who are "refusers."  I know several women who feel alienated because common talk is the over-sexed man and the "not tonight" wife.  How isolated must a woman feel when she is married to a man who does not desire her often? If that's you, this site has words for you--encouragement.  Specifically check out Living with a Refuser.

The articles I've read made be breathe a sigh of relief.  I was so grateful to know I wasn't the only woman out there struggling with my sexuality and my self-image.  I'm not the only one who needs a community of Christian women discussing sex in a positive, passionate manner. 

What I like most about this site is that it is a community of women.  Men are encouraged to seek information elsewhere and their comments are not allowed until they are monitored.  There are no explicit photos.

Women, on the other hand, are on the Christian Nympho site asking tough questions, sharing romantic ideas, and offering encouragement.  That's why I've bookmarked The Christian Nymphos and continue to check out their posts.

What I think is there is a Christian Nympho inside me dying to get out and share a passionate, intimate sex life with my husband.

How about you?

17 comments:

  1. For obvious reasons I can't comment on the Christian aspect, however I applaud you for recognising that there is NOTHING wrong with having a healthy sex life. I do believe sex is a gift that should be enjoyed (Personally with a loving partner and not multiple but that's just me) and I hope this doesn't offend you but the Bible was written by man, God may not have said everything that was said in the Bible. It sometimes strikes me that it's like the kid in school who puts words into other peoples mouths to back up their argument. "He said this, you're in trouble!" and whoever he is he didn't say anything of the sort.

    I hope I'm making some sort of sense. The messages in the Bible, love thy neighbour, don't kill etc are fabulous messages but the book itself was written a long time ago and sometimes I think it could do with updating. Follow the spirit of the Bible, be a good Christian by being a good person.
    We also have to consider when the Bible was written, women were subjugated, I'm no raving feminist but I really think we have it a lot better now. We can explore our sexuality without being branded harlots and from my understanding the Bible is still living 2000 years ago wanting women to dress in chastity belts and burlap sack dresses.

    Like I said I hope my views haven't offended you I don't mean them to be.

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  2. Reagan, I am so happy that you posted this girl! Love it; thank you and going to check this website out right now!

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  3. A lot of people say they feel repressed when it comes to religion and sex. I've never really felt that way. Sex is such an essential part of a healthy marriage. What could be more sexy than the christian ideal of being able to give your husband your virginity and then to give him all your sexuality without reservation?

    I'm not a prude but one thing you'll never catch me doing is giving specifics of what happens in my bedroom. You can't really feel safe to explore what works and what doesn't if one of you knows it will be broadcast to the other's friends the next day. So if by chance we're ever in a conversation where women are sharing that information, just know that my lack of communication doesn't mean I'm being judgmental.

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  4. @Pam--I appreciate your comments and do not feel offended or judged. And I agree that sex is best when it's monogamous!

    @Jillian--Enjoy!

    @Rachael--I agree about not divulging much of what happens in bed; however, sometimes I wish sex wasn't so "hush hush." I guess I desire woman I can talk to about what is "okay" and what ISN'T okay--what to do with a low/high drive, what to do that one week a month ... The lack of information makes me feel so confined. For lack of wisdom ... But if it helps, we never have to talk about sex at a meet up :)

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  5. great blog entry!! Bravo and a really good book about it is "the 5 sex needs of men & women" discover the secrets to great sex in a godly marriage by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg!

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  6. Yikes! I'm curious about that website but nervous to go there. Haha! Kind of a weird question...but you haven't noticed any inappropriate advertisements or anything popping up on any other sites after visiting there, have you? The computer is just such a weird thing ...like my amazon account recommends things that I've never looked up on amazon but have looked for on other websites.

    So...I will probably check it out at some point. I like your thoughts. It has just been in the last three or so years of 9.5 years of marriage that I have begun to be more comfortable with myself and sex and talking about it more with Matt & others. I do think its okay to talk about (of course not specific details about your spouse)...but just in general. For example...many women have never had orgasms and the more women I talk to about this the more I realize that lots of women are frustrated with this. Also that there are things you (and your spouse) can do to help facilitate, etc. Well...my point is that I think its okay to talk about in a general sense with close girlfriends. Like you...I feel like I have lived with a lack of information and still do to some extent! Going to the FamilyLife marriage conference actually helped me relax a bit on this subject.

    Good post! Way to put out an issue that we all think about and many are afraid to bring up!

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  7. @Plantanos--Thanks for the book suggestion.

    @Shelly--Great comments and thoughts, as always. As to your concerns--NO graphics=breath easy, no porn. Also I've not gotten any weird pop-ups, recommendations, etc. Near as I can tell the site is safe!

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  8. Don't make it a taboo topic on my account! Like I said, I'm not a prude but sometimes it's hard to talk about things without getting specific and there are just some things you cant un-know about your friends.

    Case in point: the topic of low drive came up among a group of my Christian friends the other day. One said she had had good luck with using pornography. As much as I try not to, it has affected the way I think about her.

    So, yeah, I definitely don't believe in hushing things up, but I do believe in keeping the conversation appropriate and non-specific. It is, after all, a sacred (but still enjoyable and fun) act between husband and wife.

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  9. @Rachael--The porn topic would shock me too! I think porn is wrong, wrong, wrong and you know me--I probably would have said so :)

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  10. It really is something that isn't talked about much- but as Christian women, we are allowed to enjoy our husbands! Sex within marriage is supposed to be a good thing and while it's not what will hold a marriage together- it definitely helps keep that bond.

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  11. Porn is a weird issue for me, I dislike it, it certainly does nothing for me but the people who film it are (in the quality porn...can't believe I just said that) consenting adults.
    I think there needs to be stricter regulations on porn though, industries need to be monitored closely so that child and forced porn doesn't get through the cracks.

    Like I said, don't like it myself but I know really wonderful people who enjoy it, I don't judge them.

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  12. Does this mean our carpool drives are going to get more "interesting"? haha.

    Anyhow, I grew up in a family where sex was never discussed or mentioned outside of "the talk" and being sexy was highly discouraged.

    One of my parent's friends tried to give Khale and I a book on Christian sex when we got married. It was terrible though because it was written more on the technical side of things (ex: exactly what you should do for foreplay and exactly how long you should do each thing...because apparently it's sexy to stare at a clock). I never made it past the first 10 pages.

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  13. Love this post! Reagan, it is SAD how many of my Christian friends are not enjoying sex... they don't talk about it, and feel like they're BAD if they want it. NOT TRUE!

    I typically think I'm "that friend" that shocks the others b/c I want to be able to talk about sex with my friends - it's a HUGE part of marraige!! Or, it should be!

    Thankfully dh and I talk about sex a lot and very openly. It wasn't always this way - but I'd say 3 years into our marriage, things were taking a nose-dive in that department and he brought up the conversation.. it changed everything. I never want to go back to that place of having a so-so sex life with my husband again. I firmly believe that if you keep sex hot for each other - your marriage will last forever! It affects soo much!

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  14. I loved reading this post!
    I grew up Christian, and I knew there were a lot of thou shall nots about sex, but most regarding adultry and fornication, not with-in a marriage...it's great to have my eyes opened up to this issue though

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  15. Reagan I love this post. The topic of sex in my house growing up was never from a Christian point of view. When I married my first husband, there were so many disturbing things in our sex life that now that I am married to a loving Christian man things sometimes get confusing. I struggle with what is ok and talking to him about it. I completely understand where you are coming from. I agree it would be nice to be able to talk to my Christian friends about sex without feeling like I am completely out of line.

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  16. It looks like you got a good start on the site and then did it fizzle or what. Last comment I see is 1/31/11. Perhaps I need to do a direct search and not the google click I did.

    It is obvious that a lot of first commentors were friends. Not knocking that, just thinking you probably learned somethings about them, and I don't mean just an interest in sexual correctness. I was wondering if their comments shed new light on their personalities for you and them? Like, did the existence of the blog give them permission and a forum to ask questions and express thoughts they had heretofore supressed? It must have been a heck of a learning experice within that circle. I am not infering anything salacious or prurient, just thinking that so many of us bump around in the dark thinking we are all alone until someone strikes a match and we find the room is packed with our family, friends and neighbors.

    I am a male. I go to the CN site to find out what is really going on in a woman's head. Too many times we think we know how the other person or sex feels or is thinking. Too many times, we are not 100% right. The faceless nature of the site and other similar blogs allows people, women for the most part, to voice their concerns, desires, needs, and confusion about a topic they feel they cannot openly discuss any other way. I want to have a better relationship and sex life with my wife, so I go there, pay attention to what I read, especially the subtext surrounding the comments, and try to incorporate some "best practices"" for our marriage.

    I have left very few comments to date as I don't want users to get the impression that men are "trolling" the site. I think that may possibly inhibit some contributors. There are time though when I feel compelled to shine some "male light" on an issue where there seems to be some struggling or true confusion or ambivalence. Sometimes I think the women want to know how does a man REALLY (even should)feel about something. The same way I want to know how women feel. I want to read what many real women have to say or ask, not just an accredited columnist.

    I have noticed the all the topices I have accessed on CN lately are closed to comments. I hope this is not indicative of some problem. I notice that the calendar is still current so perhaps not. Hope your site is still up and running. I'll check back. Thanks for taking on the challenge of dealing with this issue in a public forum.

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  17. @Dave2--This is NOT the Christian Nymphos blog. This is the blog WHERE IS THE ME IN MOMMY? I just happened to do an "opinion" piece on the CN blog to raise awareness and start dialogue among MY blog followers (which is why they sound like friends). The reason why the last comment was on 1/31/11 is because a new blog post aired the next day and thus, the conversation changed.

    If you have questions/comments about CN, I suggest you e-mail them directly or leave a message on THEIR blog. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion. It is nice to have a male voice on here :)

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