Monday, July 5, 2010

Your Words--You know you're a mom when ...

You know you're a mom when:
  • You've used your spit to clean another human's face.
  • You've wiped a runny nose with nothing but your hand.
  • You've excused yourself to "go potty" to a room full of adults.
  • You've discussed color, quantity, and consistency of poop at the dinner table.
  • You've started a diet that required you to not eat left overs off your kids' plates.
  • You've said, "Because I said so!" or "I'll give you something to cry about!"
  • You've caught yourself singing the theme song to Dora the Explorer when no one else was around.
  • You've daydreamed about the days when you used to just work forty hours a week.
  • You've busted a move when someone went tickle in the big potty.
  • Everyone in your house has the stomach flu but you still have to comfort and entertain your husband.
  • You can't see the front of your fridge through all the art work.
  • You can't remember the last time you finished a dessert or treat without sharing some of it.
  • You magically know where dad's keys are (under the couch), where son's pacifier went to (in the soup pot to the right the stove), and where daughter's school bag is (in the dress up bin).

Your turn!
You know you're a mom when ...


  1. When you endure countless stares and whispers in a store when you walk around quacking like a duck because that is the only way you can get your kids to follow you.

    When you can hold the entire contents of your childs stomach in your hands but your husband will literally jump out of a moving vehicle to escape the vomit.

    When you have no problem jumping into mud in your church clothes just to watch the look on your kids face when you do.

    When you consider spit up, booger and whatever yuckiness as an accessory to your outfit.

    When you no longer mind when people fart on you.

    When you find yourself saying things you never thought you would say. Such as "Ella, you really aren't a jumping fish, so please stop hitting your brother in the head."

    When you can have the worst day imaginable and your child looks at you and says three words that make it all go away. I love you.

    When you change your view on owning a gun after someone is in your house in the middle of the night and you come out of your room, guns blazing, ready to take on anyone who might bring harm to your children.

  2. @Randean--LOL. LIterally, I was laughing out loud!

  3. Some more:

    When your child sees their first person of color and proceeds to make inappropriate animal noises and all you can do is cry and babble "I am so sorry. Really, I am not a racist and I am not raising my children to be racist, either" over and over.

    When you have to tell your kids that the Cocoa Puffs they found in the yard, are indeed, not edible.

    When you turn your back for a second, and your child uses the display toilet in Ace Hardware.

    When your child comes home and asks why you give them wheat and then tells you the police officer at school says that "wheat is bad for you" and then you screen all of your phone calls and pretend not to be home for the next couple of weeks, for fear that DFS will come take your kids away because your child has mistaken wheat for weed and has told the DARE officer that you give your children drugs.

    When you watch your daughter and dog squatting at the same time to poop in the back yard.

    When you can be the queen, a volcano, a rocketship, a whale and a mermaid all within an hour.

    When the first thing that you do is grab the camera after your child poops in the bathtub.

  4. Too funny!

    When you get overly excited because you finally get to eat a hot meal.

    When you watch your daughter watch herself pee in her bathing suit and you think it's so funny you post it as your status on facebook.

    When your daughter poops in her swimsuit and you and your husband are laughing hysterically while everyone else is trying not to throw up.

    When you are constantly singing Pat a Cake and The Itsy Bitsy Spider throughout the grocery store just to keep her entertained.

    When you use the corner of your shirt to wipe snot from your kids nose.

    When the smell of spit up on your shirt becomes your new perfume.

    When you've caught yourself watching your child's t.v. shows even though they aren't in the room, and instead of changing the channel you continue to watch because you secretly love the show.

  5. I love these. My husband always laughs because I can find anything, whereas he will stare right at it and not be able to see it! LOL

    Here's one that happened to me: My Turkey woke up from his nap all sweaty and smelling like pee and I inhaled and actually said that is the sweetest smell ever! What can I say? I am a baby person!


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