Wednesday, March 17, 2010

What I Think About--Sex (A summary)


So last week I just shared my heart about sex and I was surprised by the support I received.  Thank you to everyone who shared insights and encouragement.

A few comments from last week really moved me and I wanted to share them and my thoughts about them. 

The first comment indicated the reader was surprised by my Orgasm post, given my profile biography.  My profile says I’m a God-fearing woman who is a part of a Christ-centered home and marriage.  Somehow in the world today, my love and passion for Jesus means that I am supposed to be neutral about sex (and here I am encouraging everyone to work on becoming more orgasmic with their husbands!). 

This 
               breaks 
                                     my 
                                                    heart. 

As I said last week, I believe that sex was designed by God and created to be pleasurable.  How has something that is a gift from God been so twisted that now God’s people are ashamed of enjoying the gift?  What can we, The Church, do to reclaim the gift of sex from worldly perversion? 

In my opinion, the answer is to talk about sex! 

(Did you just hear the Salt-n-Peppa rap song in your head?  No?  It was just me?  Dang it!) 

Why is it women can get together and complain about husbands, moan about mother-in-laws, laugh about potty training mishaps, seek advice on discipline, share birthing/pregnancy stories, and talk about menstrual cycles and breast milk but when it comes to sex, mums the word?  

Is sex really that sacred or are we just scared to be judged because maybe our struggles or issues aren’t normal?  

Can we talk about sex?  I’m not suggesting we be graphic and share favorite positions but surely women, especially Christian women, can come together to share thoughts, concerns, trials and triumphs in the bedroom.  Sex is a gift.  God called it Good.  Let’s stop treating it as though it is taboo.

The other comment I received was from a woman who is very interested in sex but whose frequency desire is not matched by her husband’s.  This woman refers to her situation as “an anomaly” and really it is treated as such.  Even in my own church there is talk about men wanting it more than women and I even read a blog last week that encouraged women to not say no to their husbands for one month.  

But what about women who don’t have this problem?  What about the women whose husbands are telling them no?  How do we handle this in an environment where Christian women are not supposed to want or need sex?  This is a tough stereotype to crack!

I have no answers to this.  But for those readers who might be the women who would prefer to have sex more than their husbands, let me tell you that you are not alone.  More than one woman contacted me about this.  And a few years ago my life group played a version of “The Newlywed Game” (even though we’d all been married at least 3 years).  One of the questions was “Who wants it more-him or her?”  There were 5 couples.  Of those 5 couples, 3 of the women wanted it more than the husbands.  Now this is not statistically sound or anything but I’d consider our group to be very much the norm so if you are a woman and you’d like to have sex more than you do, I think it is safe to assume other women around you feel the same way (even if they don’t talk about it).

Does anyone have a book suggestion that you can recommend that might help women who would like to have sex more but whose husbands are as interested or are physically unable to perform?

So what can we do?  How can women encourage one another?  How can we open up and be raw and honest about our sex lives? 

The comment lines are open.  Please share.  If you’d like to share “out of the spotlight” e-mail me at: whereisthemeinmommy@gmail.com

3 comments:

  1. Again, Bravo! I too think sex is an important factor in Christian marriages. And if anything sex lives could use Christianity as a side kick to in rich a deeper connection. We are so often influenced by magazine opinion on the matter which leave spiritual women confused and self conscious. I too think of how great it would be to battle the worldly views on sex with an open and healthy discussion that our father in heaven would approve of.

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  2. I'm sure I am not alone in this and I feel compelled to say, that I think my issue with sex is trust. I love and do trust my husband very much, but I have not only a childhood history of sexual abuse, but an adult history of it too (the latter being more destructive). When I was 19 I married a guy who had a perverse idea of what and how sex should be, including lots of pornography. I didn't really know any better and thought it was normal. Eventually, I couldn't take the abuse anymore and I left. I met my now husband a few months after my divorce was final. We've been together almost 7 years and I still can't just let go with him. He has been very supportive about everything, but it would be nice to have an orgasm while making love to him. I think its great that you have the courage to bring up this subject. I think that maybe another issue is that moms don't talk openly and honestly with their daughters about sex. I think that as moms we need to talk to our girls about how being a sexual being is ok as long its done the way God intended. Well that's my peace. Hope its not too much.

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  3. Everyday Mom--Thanks for your continued support and encouragement. Maybe you and I need to have a good sex talk! ha ha.

    Anonymous--Thanks for sharing. No, it is not too much. I don't know exactly where you are coming from but I can tell you without any reservations that you are not alone! I don't know your name but God does and I'll be praying for you to find sexual healing, forgiveness and joy!

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