So last week I just shared my heart about sex and I was surprised by the support I received. Thank you to everyone who shared insights and encouragement.
A few comments from last week really moved me and I wanted to share them and my thoughts about them.
The first comment indicated the reader was surprised by my Orgasm post, given my profile biography. My profile says I’m a God-fearing woman who is a part of a Christ-centered home and marriage. Somehow in the world today, my love and passion for Jesus means that I am supposed to be neutral about sex (and here I am encouraging everyone to work on becoming more orgasmic with their husbands!).
As I said last week, I believe that sex was designed by God and created to be pleasurable. How has something that is a gift from God been so twisted that now God’s people are ashamed of enjoying the gift? What can we, The Church, do to reclaim the gift of sex from worldly perversion?
In my opinion, the answer is to talk about sex!
(Did you just hear the Salt-n-Peppa rap song in your head? No? It was just me? Dang it!)
Why is it women can get together and complain about husbands, moan about mother-in-laws, laugh about potty training mishaps, seek advice on discipline, share birthing/pregnancy stories, and talk about menstrual cycles and breast milk but when it comes to sex, mums the word?
Is sex really that sacred or are we just scared to be judged because maybe our struggles or issues aren’t normal?
Can we talk about sex? I’m not suggesting we be graphic and share favorite positions but surely women, especially Christian women, can come together to share thoughts, concerns, trials and triumphs in the bedroom. Sex is a gift. God called it Good. Let’s stop treating it as though it is taboo.
The other comment I received was from a woman who is very interested in sex but whose frequency desire is not matched by her husband’s. This woman refers to her situation as “an anomaly” and really it is treated as such. Even in my own church there is talk about men wanting it more than women and I even read a blog last week that encouraged women to not say no to their husbands for one month.
But what about women who don’t have this problem? What about the women whose husbands are telling them no? How do we handle this in an environment where Christian women are not supposed to want or need sex? This is a tough stereotype to crack!
I have no answers to this. But for those readers who might be the women who would prefer to have sex more than their husbands, let me tell you that you are not alone. More than one woman contacted me about this. And a few years ago my life group played a version of “The Newlywed Game” (even though we’d all been married at least 3 years). One of the questions was “Who wants it more-him or her?” There were 5 couples. Of those 5 couples, 3 of the women wanted it more than the husbands. Now this is not statistically sound or anything but I’d consider our group to be very much the norm so if you are a woman and you’d like to have sex more than you do, I think it is safe to assume other women around you feel the same way (even if they don’t talk about it).
Does anyone have a book suggestion that you can recommend that might help women who would like to have sex more but whose husbands are as interested or are physically unable to perform?
So what can we do? How can women encourage one another? How can we open up and be raw and honest about our sex lives?
The comment lines are open. Please share. If you’d like to share “out of the spotlight” e-mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org