Friday, January 8, 2010

You are more than parents--Date your man!



Matt and I have been married for seven years but together for ten.  It was just the two of us (well, and two slightly dysfunctional dogs we played "house" with) for six years.  In that time we were given to weekend trips to New York, moving to Vegas for the summer, and recklessly wasting time and resources dining out, going to the movies, and sleeping in until ten.
My how things have changed since we had children!  Most of the changes have been good but a few times I've looked at my husband and tried to remember the husband he was before he became a father.
Let me say that no man has been or will be as great of a father as Matt is (I expect you to disagree so we'll just agree to disagree).  He plays with our children, changes diapers, makes toys, plays dress-up, cooks, carries, cleans vomit ... He is not of of those men who comes home from a long day at work and is "done" for the day. He finishes his day when I finish mine, and sometimes later.
Though I love and admire the father in him, I also yearn for the Matt who wasn't a dad--fearless, reckless, spontaneous, dangerous, carefree.  Deep down he still is all those things but the daily routine grinds him down.  What I realized this December is that he felt the same way about me. And what we learned was that the key to igniting the pre-parent passions we had for each other was within our grasp.
What follows is an excerpt from an e-mail Matt sent to me on December 1, 2009 in preparation for our anniversary.
I tell you all the time that you are beautiful, and I tell you often that you are a wonderful mother.  What I don’t tell you all the time is that you are so mysterious…and I love that about you.  Though you tell yourself and others that you like to plan, play things safe and keep control at all times, one of the mysteries of you is that those things are not entirely true.  Even though you would never admit to it, I have come to realize your secret affinity for adventure and more importantly… spontaneity. 
One of the things I committed to you nearly seven years ago was that I would make you happy.  And while I know that you are happy in a general sense, it bothers me that we so easily get bogged down in the routineness of being married, of being parents and of life tasks.  Every time I have asked you in the past three months about your happiness and what about life is causing you stress, it is the daily reality that is grindingly numbing.  You are so tough.  You raise our children with excellence, you care for your family and you are a wonderful friend.  But deep down, I know that a little adventure….a little romance…..a little passion and a little spontaneity just might create an opportunity for us.
Every day from now until our anniversary, I am going to present you with at least one opportunity to do something completely spontaneous.  There is no pressure on your part to accept each opportunity.  Some will be more adventurous than others.  Some may even stretch your comfort level.  But deep down I know there is an inner Bond girl dying to escape…
Thus was born the Legacy Parkway Spy School.  For the next twenty days Matt sent me on wild goose chases taking secret photos of him, creating movies, practicing "Unagi" (we love Friends), and learning how to box. These games, these spontaneous "assignments" were nothing more than little thoughts meant to brighten my day by reminding me that before I was a mom, I was a sexy, confident woman and still could be.  
When I share this with friends I always get comments like "I wish my husband would d stuff like that."  All I can say is this, do it first.  

  • Date your husband.  
  • Wow him.  
  • Remind him that he is a sexy and confident man.
  • Remind him that before he was your children's father, he was your lover.  
If you'd like to send your husband to the "Bond Spy School for Hot Dads" check back here for ideas.




1 comment:

  1. After 20 years I have just begun redating my husband and I couldn't agree more that sometimes we gals need to pave the way with the romance and care-taking. Even if he never plans a date, you will reap so many other benefits if you go out of your way to court him.

    With your permission I am going to borrow your spy school idea and tweak it a little for us. We both enjoy the Elvis Cole detective books and I (gasp) have never seen a James Bond movie all the way through so I am going to send him to detective school instead of spy school.

    Anyway, your Matt sounds like my Tom. I just found your blog from Dating Divas and I am now a follower. Though my kids are OLD now I know I can profit from your wisdom as a wife. Thanks so much.

    ReplyDelete

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